Ten things to do before you get married

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

As I type this post, the clock keeps ticking in the background, with every tick-tock snatching my bachelorhood away from me - one second at the time! :(

(PS: smashing your wrist watch does not stop the time. I just tried it :P . Though it breaks your watch into two zillion pieces for sure :P )


In case you didn't know, Google is awesome! Though it is a little late for me to realize, but Google can find you amazing stuff, as and when you need it! If my name was All-Fried Nobel, I would give one of my prizes to the mom and dad of Google! (that is, if Google can find them) :D

So, about two hours ago, in desperation, I typed the words 10 things to do before you get married on Google. Now, Google being Google, took it all too literally and threw 200 million results in my face! Saala, engineers ke sath yahi dikkat hai. If this site was designed by some fashion designer, or for that matter a girl (no, no, I am not saying that all girls have an IQ equal to fashion designers! :D But yeah, if this Google thing was designed by someone with a heart, the result should have been only one line - Bhai, darr sabko lagta hai. Sabki phat-ti hai. But dar ke aage jeet hai :D aur daal roti bhi :D !

Anyway, a guy has got to do, what a guy has got to do! I started reading the results one-by-one! Though, I could not read all 200 million results (sorry guys!) but then I easily covered 50 pages and over 1000+ things to "do" before marriage!

Jaisa ki aap sab jaante hain, I am a really nice guy! So I wont let you read all shit-filled 1000 things to do before marriage. So, here I am, presenting before you 10 important things that I think you should do before marriage! Go through this list slowly. Digesting the gravity of each point, before you hop on the next one!

  • Ask yourself "WHY?" - Trust me, if you have endured and survived a torture known as punjabi wedding, you will surely understand the pain behind this question! And no, I am not referring to the trust issues you have with your partner. Those things are petty in front of the grand crazy fest we guys call wedding. On more than 10 occasions in the past one month, I have seriously thought "BC, isse accha to saala bhaag ke shaadi kar leta!". Never ever in my life I knew kitni mehnat ka kaam hai shaadi karna. Sigh! In case, you guys haven't broken the news to your parents - RUN !!!
  • Ensure that you are not already married - :D Do I need to explain this one! Go and see the movie - Life in a metro! Or better, look around in your workplaces! I think I should have kept this point on number 1, but what the hell, it is still in the checklist!
  • See her without make-up - Yup! You read it right! I have a friend, who seriously refuses to identify his wife when she is without make-up! I mean yeah, even we like to pretend that we don't know her when she is washed off, but come on, wo to uska pati hai yaar! :D
  • Cancel all your 'Sunny Leone' subscriptions - Or delete those "Ultra Important Office files" and "Windows important files" folders from your laptop! ;) errr... I am not very sure, but from what I have heard from some of my married friends (not all) that you do not need those files post marriage, and specially wives have this unnatural allergy with folders named "Virus - Dont Open"  :D
  • Go skydiving - I have always wanted to go skydiving, but some or other shit crops up last minute and my plan gets cancelled! Once upon a time, I was all padded up inside a mini plane for the dive, but had to abort the jump due to bad weather. We (me and the trainer) had nothing better to do so we were just chatting up. Upon being asked about risks in skydiving he said "its not that this is a risk free sport and people don't die doing it, but the mortality rate is extremely low. But hey, do you know anyone who came out of a wedlock alive! :D
  • Buy two TVs - or ask your relatives to gift you one, in case you are running short on cash! :D *wink* As we all know, girls are crazy! And they like watching crazy English versions of our desi saas-bahu serials, instead of watching the original Hindi ones! Now tell me, who watches Desperate Housewives in place of Bade Acche Lagte Hain! Huh! :P That kid - Pihu - is so cute, no?
  • Keep a wacky haircut / beard - From what I have heard, girls on an average have an obsessive compulsive disorder regarding cleanliness! For the love of God, I could never understand, why does a 25 day beard looks bad to others, when the person wearing it (inspite of the itch) is totally comfortable with it! Phew! And who takes a bath everyday! If we shave and bath daily, then what are sundays for! :O
  • Buy a PS3 - Because you know, you will be all grown up and have responsibilities and blah blah in one week post marriage! In short, no one will allow you to buy a PS3 anymore, so buy it while you have control on your own credit card! :D And do remember to stock up 200 game CDs in your home! Hee hee! :D 
  • Make a best friend - Yup! The one, who will cover your tracks, and say - Yeah bhabhee, too much work these days in office. You know, your pati was with me working whole night. Even I returned home at *whispers - abe saale kab gaya tha tu kal ghar* Yeah, 5 am in the morning! :D
  • Think again - OK! Jokes apart! This is your last chance! Believe that this blog post is a warning signal from God, forcing you to think again! Is this the person you will want to wake up next to for the rest of your life? Even when she looks like her mother? Her mother's mother? And if the answer is yes, the congratulations! Not to you idiot! To your to-be! You have passed the test, and she was successful in completely brainwashing you! :P Sigh!

I guess if you are fine on these ten things, you have a fairly good probability of enduring the wedlock for a minimum period of two years  :D Warna to bhayya, aapki shaadi ka bhagwaan hi maalik hai! :D

Chalo, I am back to my countdown! 10 days and 19 hours remaining! Tick tock... Wish me luck!
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