The Furobiker

If you are here to read Kalmadi Jokes or CWG joke, then click here (link)

I guess people of Delhi will agree with my thoughts that Commonwealth games have brought us more discomfort and irritations than they are actually visible to the rest of the world (that includes anyone and everyone living outside Delhi). And trust me, the level of irritation goes off the roof, when your friends sitting in some cool school in the United States, or working in Madras or Bangalore casually comments -"Dude, you crib too much! You completely ignore the long term benefits these games will provide to the country!"

Yes, you guessed it right! I feel like telling them to shut the f*** up! It is really easy to sit thousands of kilometers away from the place and say - don't crib, see the larger picture! Sitting far far away, no one can understand the real pain of waking up 1.5 hours early in the morning, to beat the traffic jams caused by blocked CWG special lanes, and reach office on time! Sitting thousands of kilometers away, you cant really comment on the daily travel on the broken roads, where driving even the most luxurious car will seem like a camel ride, if the road you are travelling on is not near the CWG village! Sitting thousands of kilometers away, my dear friend, you can only comment on the awesome security arrangements our government is providing to the foreign athletes. But what you cant see, is that 15-20 minutes are added to my daily travel because of the barricades on the roads, supposedly kept there for vigilance. And what you don't have to bear, is showing your license and papers again an again to 2 different traffic policemen, at different places, on the same night, if by any chance you are returning late in the night from somewhere.

There has always been a mystery in my head regarding the traffic cops, who put up barricades and check random vehicles on the roads in the nights? I mean how do they decide which one to check and which one to leave? I have seen people talking on the mobile phone passing right in front of them, cars with hid lights or loud music passing sweetly in front of them. Then what do they see dude?

Anyways, in short what i wanted to say was, its good to read junk in your management courses books and then paste it on the face of the next person you see cribbing on the discomfort caused by CWG, but then sometimes, just sometimes try to use what God gave you free of cost - common sense!!

I spent a good hour reading Jokes about commonwealth Games on Twitter and on blogs. Copy pasting some of the good ones here.. (My life is too messed up right now to think of a logical post and put it on the blog, till then enjoy these jokes!)

Disclaimer! - None of them is my creation, credit to their original authors for such creative thinking..

Best one!! >>> Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!Sadkein bhi jam hui, CWG tere liye

1) BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kamadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG stadium. But the ceiling collapsed

2) The truth behind bulk sms banning is to stop kalmadi jokes and not Ayodhya

3) Look at the brighter side; the more countries pull out, the higher India is ranked in the final medal’s tally.

4) Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.

5) Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?
A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)

6) Whats common between CWG committee and students???
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.....

7) Prince Charles is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!

8) Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!

9) Ek waqt aisa aayega, kalmadi bhi sharmayega

10) A collapse a day keeps the athletes away

11) Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!

12) AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI

13) next edition of CWG will be called KWG, Kalmadi Wealth Games

14) Photo for the last one..!

If you ask me, twenty damn years is a long long time..!!

Our first rendezvous was back in 1990-91, when i was in class 1st !! And since then, we have been together in sun and rains, good times and bad times; ogled at all hot chicks together, and made faces at not-so-hot ones... But well, i have hated every moment of our togetherness!! Yeah you read it right! You know why? Because, YOU were responsible for my nicknames such as  Chashmish, Chowkha and what not!! :D

Chashma is the hindi translation of spectacles, i guess all the nicknames evolved from there only.. If you remember, it was a tradition in the junior school - No person wearing a specs, was referred to by his/her name! It was always chashmish, battery, something something... but yeah, teachers always had a hesitation slapping chashmish people! "Nice to see, good to hold, if broken, consider as sold!!" :D

There are some positives too for the chashmish people! For one, whatever i may do, the stupid specs on my face always project me as a nerd, and the most shareef guy around! :D :D (Go and see my fb profile pic for the proof!) And second, when no one has a clue about something in a project meeting, people always look up to the guy wearing a specs! - sala itna mota chashma lag gaya hai pad pad ke, isko kuch to aata hi hoga!!:D And then whatever you may blabber - sala saamne wale ko bhi kaunsa kuch aata hai!! :D :D

But finally, i have had enough, kicking ass the stupid old chashma and moving on to the lenses.. But ek baat to hai, all these lenses shit is a big headache. You gotta clean it, clean ur hands, clean your eyes, maybe clean the mirror with domex too!?? And then remove it in the evening, clean it, and same old blah blah cycle! Apna chashma was much better, put it on, throw it off, don't clean it for 15-20 days till you start seeing fog in the middle of summers :D And the best part, you can sleep with your specs on!! Sala sapne bhi saaf saaf dikhenge!:D (Well sleeping with the specs on is on the 2nd position on my list of 'reasons my specs broke"; first position is held by "Slapped by mom again!" ...phew!

What more does a man need to lead a happy, fulfilling, peaceful life...?

So as you all  know, i was on a vacation for majority part of the last week. Well the title of this post pretty much summarizes what all i did during my short 5 days break :D :D    On a serious note, after a long long time, i enjoyed the rains, without worrying about the traffic jams, the water logging, anything and everything - sala mujhe kaunsa office jana tha!!, i was on vacation, remember! :D

Anyways, Delhi is becoming more and more of a shit hole as the commonwealth games are approaching. There is a special blue lane on most of the important roads of Delhi. You gotta pay a fine of Rs 2,000 if you drive on that blue lane during commonwealth games or rehearsals of the commonwealth games. Yeah, that means the slim trim and congested roads of Delhi are going to become much more congested. So Mr Kalmadi or whatever your name is, if you can buy Rs 5000 toilet papers, then you can surely send a private helicopter for my daily commute, so that i don't have to travel 3 hours 30 minutes every single day on the road!!!  Moreover, for the background effects, on almost every road of Delhi, police and military like people have set up barricades in the middle of the road. As if the traffic wasn't already too slow in Delhi....

Wait a minute... did you all go to this link (click here) and look out for the word furobiker to read my small interview? I am not talking to you ever if you dont read that.. phew....Anyways, i am not getting much time to blog these days, but don't worry, i will be back on the blog-o-sphere with the full force in the next week or so.. Till then.. be nice.. and hope Delhi doesn't get flooded with all the water being released into Yamuna...

Before i forget, wishing you all a very happy Ganesh Chaturthi...

to kehte hain hello.. Hello, hello.. .. hello hello Hello!

So today morning i got a call from this chick.. she was from some placement consultancy, after giving me a short brief about her company, the conversation began...

Chick: Abhishek, i am calling from blah blah placement consulting, and would like to tell you about a job opening

Generally, i hang up at this point - if i want a job, i will call up the HR of the concerned company myself! I don't need any placement consulting to help me out. But somehow she sounded like a hot chick over the phone, and as any other normal guy, i just could not hang up on her! :D :D :D Oh, by the way, i hope i told you my hot-chick-phone-detection theory? I can, with 90% accuracy, predict that a girl is hot or not by just listening to her telephonic voice! True Story! Anyways, before i could blabber something, she started throwing questions at me!

Chick: So your profile says, you are a Telecom Specialist! (oh my fucking God!! She called me a Telecom Specialist!! Meri aankhon ke saamne hoti to iska ek chumma le leta!! )

Anyways, i just replied 'yes' to her, and she started shooting off the job profile - we are conducting this recruitment drive for a client of ours... you will be managing 10-15 people independently.. a telecom project.. blah blah blah..!

Her slight mention of some telecom project caught my attention! I started insisting her on telling for which company were they hiring ! After a lot of discussion and bargaining, we both realized that the discussion was going nowhere except like the daily fight between Sabjee-wala (vegetable vendor) and aunteejee's!! ) I was the bigger jackass in the discussion, so won finally!

She was hiring for ***** *******, my previous organization!!!! I suddenly became infuriated! Damn it, are all these placement consulting people blind!! She was the third chick to call me during past two weeks, from different placement consultancies, hiring for my ex organization!! I suddenly lost it on her, and asked, why the fuck she didn't check my employers too on the resume which she downloaded from some God forsaken jobs website!! Poor girl, rechecked it and said finally, "Sir there is no mention of your present or past companies in this version of your resume, which you have uploaded on this job website!" :P :P :P Ab main samjha! 3 hot chicks can not all be so dumb that they forget to check my employers mentioned on the resume before calling! Phew!

Anyways! I thought of updating my profile, but then left it as it is.. Feels good to see that the void which you left 7 months ago, is still a .. well void! :D You see, Bhagwan ne mere jaisa ek hi namoona banaya hai! :D Unique piece! He he he ...

Chalo then, enjoy your weekend.. and the weekdays after that.. i am running off to the hills... saala bheja fry ho gaya hai Dilli me.. Adios.. Be nice... and RabbRakha ! (God bless you, in punjabi :P )

but no holiday tomorrow ! phew

This festival has its own special memories from the childhood... I remember when we were kids.. (yeah yeah, you gotta go a good 15 years back in time), we had a holiday for Janamashtami, and the gang of friends would meet precisely at 8 in the morning to begin the Janamashtami procedures.

We all used to send our scouts to look for the best spot in the locality to make our "Jhaanki' or Tableau. The only requirements for a good spot were - electricity connection, cleanliness, and access to water! And then started the day long exercise to gather mud, sand and soils of all colors to create the whole scenario where Vasudeva is carrying Krishna in a basket!  The whole story started from the Jail where Kansa kept Krishna's family as captive. The vertical doors of jail opened around some mountain, which had soil of at least 10 colors.. and then the epic river scene.. i precisely remember, we used to have our own engineers at that time to construct that scene where Vasudeva is walking through water, carrying Krishna on his head!!

Real mastery in the trade was required to build that river. The river had to pass through the center of our creation, with continuous water running, and in the end, there should be a proper disposal channel, so that there are no swimming pools around that place! And mind you, no leakage allowed, or else all the other scenarios were on the verge of drowning!!

It was great fun, sitting around your own 'Jhanki' while people visit it in the night, creating lighting effects with Diwali lights... and yeah, distributing some sweets as prasad!

Janamashtami was also fun back in BHU days! Our beloved 'Vishvanath Temple' used to create such awesomely beautiful scenarios inside the temple compound! It was worth walking up to it at 12 in the night and stand through the crowd to see that creation for 5 minutes! And yeah, then the prasad packets which they gave to every visitor!

Anyway, those were good old days, when we didn't have offices! So if you have a holiday, then enjoy! And if you don't have a holiday, then rush back home early, go to the nearest temple to your house and see the grandeur and story of lord Krishna!