Too many variables..

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I don't know if anyone of you have observed this, but i seriously have been having this weird realization since past few days. --> There is a constant thought process or as my philosophical self would say 'intellectual humming' going inside my head all the time! and i am sure, many of you must be having this certain in-built tension in life, thinking about past or future, something, everything, all the time!

When i get up, i am thinking about the client deliverables to be sent that day, when i am about to sleep, i am thinking about the work for next day, during weekdays i am thinking about stuff to be done on weekends, on weekends i am planing for weekdays. To add to all this mess, there comes some of the social interaction, personal and work related emails, information overload on twitter, tech news for the day, financial news, Facebook updates to check who got married and who got lucky, and of course short term, mid term and long term career planning, cab issues, reimbursement bills and what not!

Dude! I have never been the brighter one of the pack, and processing so many variables at the same time is taking its toll on me! Its like my head is over-clocked and i need to throw some variables out to keep my head cool.

Think about it, how many people have you ever met who are really happy in their professional life? Just dig deeper, and you would realize the happiness levels are almost same in their personal lives too! It cant be that all companies and all partners suck! Its just that we all are so busy running so fast, that we do not know where are we going and where do we want to reach... All we know is everyone is running and so are we..

Just for comparison purposes, the number of such variables in our parent's lives were so less wen they were of our age! There were no mobile phones, people used to write only letters and waited for 15 days for the reply, there were no blackberry phones or digital "kutte ke patte" hanging in your neck, forcing you to reply to every email and female within 5 minutes of its arriving! No hurry to clutter your friend's lives with your exact coordinates and your checked in dining places... people used to take life slow and enjoyed every bit of it.. This social networking website business was also non-existent in those days...

Anyways, if and when you get time, just think about it. I guess we are just overloading our small brains without any purpose. There are so many variables we can do away and trust me two days later you wont even know they existed. So just get up today, throw the random people and things out of your life, stop giving a shit about things that don't matter, form a small world of your own where i guess there lies pure, real happyness for you..

There will be two dates on your tombstone, and all your acquaintances will read them. But all thats gonna matter to you and your closed ones, is the little dash between them...

Wish there were no Commonwealth Games in India

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

.. and if i am allowed to be selfish, i wish there were no commonwealth games anywhere in and around Delhi... sometimes i think "zaroor hum dilli-walo ne pichle janam me koi paap kare honge"

I perfectly remember, about 3-4 years back, there was no water logging, no long horrendous traffic jams, no roadblocks for CWG preparations, nothing in Delhi. It was just another fine city, with a bit red-tapism, and where everyone somehow was related to some big-shot, but still it was a live-able place..

We unlucky, poor people of Delhi, pay extra VAT on petrol everyday, so that government can recover the money spent in buying a toilet paper roll for 5,000Rs, yes 5,000Rs. You know how much a skilled labor earns in Delhi? Rs 400! Yes, the commonwealth committee thinks a toilet paper roll for some bungee jumping gymnast from other country is worth daily wage of 12 skilled workers in Delhi! And that too is going from our pockets! Hold your heart! A good quality treadmill, costs Rs 50,000 near my home, but CWG committee has "hired", yeah you read it right, got it on rent for Rs 10 LAKH for 45 days!!!

My office is in Noida, and the daily one-side commute time from my home to office has gone up from 45 minutes in 2007 to about 2 hours in 2010!! So much for the improving infrastructure! And that too when there are no clouds in the sky. I loose hope of reaching home when there is even a bit of thunderstorm, leave about the rains!

The other day, i was travelling on outer ring road. And there was a huge sort of slow moving jam!! It went on for about 15 minutes, that we all were driving at 20 KMPH. When the jam cleared a bit, i saw, there was a big red AC bus with CWG written on its sign boards, with a police car in front of it and one at the back! Dude, take them through choppers, rockets or anything, why putting the common man of Delhi in so much pain just you want to take them on a smooth ride on the battered roads of Delhi?

Being just another common man of Delhi, who travels 80KMS through Delhi roads everyday, to earn some decent money for his survival, who eagerly waits for 1st of every month to pay for his bills and credit cards dues, i seriously wish there were no CWG games in Delhi. All your so called developments and infrastructure shit can go to hell. I do not want to pay extra for fuel everyday, and i do not want to stand and waste my life in traffuck jams every single day, just because you want to build fancy stadiums and apartments and sell them off later. Just because you want to buy toilet paper made of gold, with diamond abrasives just to clean your ass better! (i find no other justification for Rs5000 toilet paper!)

 Why should i bear all that? What is my fault and why should i pay for it? 


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B schools ranking season!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

There is this particular time of the year, close to monsoon season when dogs start mating and everyone else starts releasing their own lists of top B schools of India. How do we lesser mortals, the non-mba's know? Because our facebook walls are plastered with everyone from that college, or for that matter any random person whose neighbor's son was bitten by a dog outside that b-school gates, starts posting the link to that article with a small cutie pie message "My B School ranks 9th in the India's top kick ass B Schools cum pubs" rankings! Woohoo! Last year it was faaaar below at 10!!

I have never seen this crazy craze in engineering college kids, none so ever in doctors! Its just the MBA kids going ga ga over stupid rankings! I even have a friend, who currently lives in the jungles of Tanzania, who used to write emails fulllll one sentence long, and his email signature was precisely 18 lines long!! Even if his college's building is demolished by MCD (or whatever is MCD of Mumbai is) for illegal construction, he will add that link to his email signature, pointing in bold flashy font - "Look my college is all over newspapers today!"

Dude, nor will your company increase your package, nor will your firangi client count you as human, and nor will some cute chick from your mba class 'like' that status message of yours while commenting on it "i so so so miss those days, when u used to stalk me, while i completely ignored u"!!

Dont these fellows know that all of these rankings are rigged? Honey, its all about money! So kids, the next time you see such a dumb-ster uncle or aunty posting such stupid things on your facebook news feed, go and paste the link to this article over there, and do write a short cutie pie message also :P (something like .. kutte, main tera khoon pee jaunga .. will also do.... :D
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Story of Eggs, Basket and Katrina Kaif

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

One wise man once said, never keep all your eggs in one basket! I guess he was right.. i realized this today morning.. !!

Today morning as the sun was about to rise, and the world was fast asleep, the birds were singing in the trees and the owls were returning to their nests.. Kya bakwaas hai ye .. !! Anyways, today morning i woke up at 5 am with some beep beep sound on my android. Ignoring that as the usual 'read my sms and buy 80 lakh ka flat' kind of a message, i tried to sleep again. 5 minutes later, again a beep beep sound! This time i checked the phone. Ok, please get aside and make some space for the pooja ki thaali to fall on the ground! Tannnnnnn! Tannnn!! Yeah. It was displaying a message - "Your password does not match, please re enter your google password" Dude, i am using the same password since past 2 months at least and at 5 am today morning you decide to tell me that my password does not match!

I got up and ran to a real computer to log into my account! As expected, i was not able to log into. Google showed me an error - "Your account has been disabled due to suspicious activity!" There was no mention of what the suspicious activity was, no mention of when my account was locked, only one option was there -> Enter your mobile number to receive confirmation message! Lo bhayya, daal dia mobile number bhi. 10 minutes gone, 20 minutes gone, 30 minutes gone, i did not receive any message!

I even got so bored waiting for that key to my destiny to be sent by google through a stupid sms that i went for a morning walk! Ab bhai, your all the accounts, important messages, blog rights, and everything else is not as important as watching chicks running around in hot pants at 6 am in the park! Anyways, half an hour later, i came back but still no reply! I checked numerous online forums, websites, and hundreds of people are crying over the net with this same crappy problem!! I re-entered my mobile number and waited for another 10 minutes! By this time i started to loose my patience. It is really difficult to explain that your google account is disabled to the dood-wala, paper-wala, car cleaning guy and who-so-ever comes to your house early morning and asks - bhayya sab theek to hai, aap itni subha subha!!!

Anyways, i started making a list of what all i lost with my google account, and what all i can save. It was a really hard feeling to see, that almost every activity of mine was linked with a google account! Damnit! And with whims and fancies of Google, i am loosing on every-fucking-thing! Specially the e-copies of all the chacha chaudhary books from the inbox! Daimn! Finally after 2 hours of drama, i entered my sissie's idea mobile number in the Google magic box! And Voila, some stupid random number came!! Its really strange, the mobile service you make the most fun of, comes to your help in one of the worst situations of your personal life!

And finally after entering that magic number, my google account allowed me to log in! (but it took a few hours for all other services to get up!) And no they did not tell me what was that suspicious activity which led to increase in my blood pressure levels and wastage of 2 complete hours! Anyways, lesson learnt, have started migrating all the services to new gmail addresses!! (fuck!!) Each address will hold only one service so that my whole life does not get fucked up by one line of crappy code written by some pizza eating beer guzzling junkie sitting at the Google offices!

Wait a minute, there is a mention of Katrina Kaif in the title of the post!! But i didnt mention it anywhere else! Yeah, you guessed it right! I am a jerk and i just wrote Katreena's name to force some more of you all to read my bakwaas love story with my Google account...(while obviously searching whole page for Katreena hot pics :P )! Adios!

Independence day and Peepli Live !

Saturday, August 14, 2010

First of all, Wishing you a very happy independence day! May you soon get independence from blood sucking jobs, irritating girlfriends, asshole bosses, and yeah of course firangi clients! Yeah, the firangi clients parts is the biggest pain point in my life as of now. I thought exporting saddi Mallika Sehrawat to their country should satiate them for few years, but well, i guess they like screwing me more!

Peepli Live - ***** / 5 stars! Yeah you read it right! Five out of five stars!

Actually some people will like the movie too much and others will just find it pure boring. Its just like beer! You got to develop a taste, only then you will find the bliss in beer.. and yeah such movies! Aamir khan ne jo bajai hai politicians, media, and specially reporters ki.. maza aa gaya! Movie presents an awesome view on the pathetic state of the farmers and why they commit suicide. There are a few puns thrown around, but every scene kind of says something.. gives a message! Aaand what an apt use of hindi abuses.. everytime an abuse is used, it looks the most appropriate word which can be used in that situation and is used with exact amount of emotion required for each abuse.. !!

The movie had kind of an abrupt ending, i thought that could have been made better, but well could not think of a better ending! Guess that is the reason aamir paaji settled for this! And the song "Mehngai dayain khaye jaat hai", bole to touched my heart!! Ab sala chillad slumdog salary milegi, to aisi hi gaane pasand aayenge na bhayya!

Anyways, got drenched in the rain today :) :)! Had 2 options - to wait like (and with) khoosat buddhe under the roof till the rain stops or to make a 200 meter dash to the spot where the car was parked. Kassam se - Ekdum jawani ke dino ki yaad a gai! Well, rain has downsides too if you live in a damn state with commonwealth preparations going on! had to crawl for hours in the fcuking traffic jam!! Anyways, thats life..

Enjoy your independence day! Fly kites, but always remember abhi baba's gyaan - "padosan se jitna man kare utne peench ladao, par uski patang kabhi mat kaato!!" :D :D Signing off!

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Emotional Atyachaar!! - Season 2 !

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ek apni Rakhee Sawant and doosra Emotional Atyachaar! Only these two things force me to say - Saala , banane wale ne kya cheez banai hai! Subhanallah!

Even after so much hype, i never got in sync with the timings of Emotional Atyachar 1. So this time, as they say -  har mushkil ka saamna karke, saat samundar paar karke (yeah you read it right, i am talking about swimming pools created on the roads of Delhi by 2 mm rain) i reached on time to watch the repeat telecast of the first episode of the season! By God ki kasam! Mazaa aa gaya! Dude! If this show is not scripted, i seriously missed on something really really big in my jawani ke din!! I mean where do you find such chicks, who give you their number when you ask them way to nearest paan ki dukaan, go to a coffee with you, when you just ask them class timings, and go to bed with you when they dont have classes? and that too in just third meeting and without any use of alcohol! Holy shit! This is even crazier than Mika ka Swyamvar!

And the bigger question, in the minds of every viewer was - ek to sambhalti nahi, ye fatichar majnu ki aulaad do do kaise sambhaal raha tha?? And the icing on the cake! Emraan Chummeshwari Haashmi giving loyalty tips on the show!! Ghor kalyug as i would say! Anyways, for those who are still young and enthusiastic in life,  although they did not name the college, its a rough guess that the Emotional Atyachaar crew picked up that chick from Venkateshwara college near Moti Bagh / Dhaula Kuan. So , dont forget to check the chicks out there the next time you are feeling.................. :D :D :D

As he says..

Monday, August 09, 2010

'he' refers to one of the most awesome managers i have worked with. He used to work in my previous company but is now enjoying his life in ISB..Anyways, let me complete the dialog first - Many a times he pointed out that

 "Coincidences happen, much more frequently than they should normally happen!"

I mean seriously try it out sometime, it happens. You are thinking about something random, and 2 minutes later you see that random thing happening! You crave to eat some off-season thing, and some of your uncle like colleague returns from his hometown, carrying the same stupid thing in his hands!! Anyways, you must be thinking why i am throwing this random junk at you? Couple of days back, i was in one of my contemplative moods and thinking about past, present, future, and some other shit.. and suddenly i click on a random link on my twitter stream and this image opens!!


Damnit! I freaked out!bole to meri fat gai thi!!  i was just staring at it for close to 100-120 seconds to decide if it really opened or its just my craziness taking over my consciousness ! :D  Anyways, this image made me think, am i really happy? I guess i am not! I dunno whats wrong, but i feel something is just not right with my life at the moment! Its like when you taste some awesome dish, but you feel there is some magic missing in it, you just cant name that thing/feeling but in your heart you know there is something not so right about the dish. Same is the situation in my head..my life..., some magic, some ingredient is missing, its just that i am not able to pinpoint which one is that.. 

To sum up this short, incoherent (waise, did u hear rakhee sawant talking sometime? Yeah!! this post is exactly as incoherent as her talking! :D ) post, i would quote one of my favourite line from Winnie-the-pooh ... "Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it. "

Anyways, i wrote this post one week back, but forgot to post it. I came here to write about my Goa trip, but saw this post and published it first! So Goa travelogue coming up soon! Key West Hotels

In Short...

Friday, August 06, 2010

So just going off to Goa to cool my brains off.. Cya all on the other side.. Be nice..