Happy Friendship Day!!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Wishing you all a very happy friendship day !! Go out and give your friends a tight hug instead of sitting at home and forwarding cheesy bullshit messages! Oh wait! That is so pre 2000 era thing.. so i rephrase - Go out and give your friends a tight hug instead of sitting at home and playing Friends-Ville on Fucking Facebook! And those who are thinking - No!!  it is a pathetic idea to propose on Friendship day! Whatever sharukh khan taught u in kuch kuch hota hai was utter bullshit, just let this one day be for friends, trust me you got your whole life to be a jodu ka gulam, so leave this one day alone :D :D :P :P

Here is a nice and sweet friendship day email sent by Doctorni Sahiba

Friendship is not about “I m sorry “ its about “abbe teri galti hai

Friendship is not about “I m there for u “ its about “kahan marr gaya saale

Friendship is not about “I understand “ its about “sab teri wajah se hua manhus

Friendship is not about “I care for u “ its about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga

Friendship is not about “I m happy for ur success “its about “chal party de saale

Friendship is not about “Get well soon “ its about “ Itna piyega toh yehi hoga

Friendship is not about “All the best for ur career“ its about “ bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar saale

Gambheer Samasya !!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Life is a vicious circle of Gambheer Samasya's with not so gambheer answers! Here in the furobiker world, we have always believed in solving problems through crowd sourcing! Bole to junta ki aawaz! Some of our old works include How to patao a ladki in colony diwali celebrations (link) and also a deep discussion on differences  between Alu Tikki and Alu Chaap (link) !

So other day, while i was slogging my ass in office working on something totally irrelevant to my long term career plans of becoming Rakheejee's co star in the biggest holywood movie ever made, by the way, trust me that will be the biggest super-hit of all times (please leave aside rajneekant movies, i dont know why people are so mad about that gross stuff!) Anyways, sorry i got carried away, so i was working in office for some 14 hours while my Mech gang was discussing an earth shattering, top secret problem relating to national defense! Well.. errr.. sort of!

So this super genius friend of mine Akhilesh urf Lavy ( i must add - a total sarkaari guy) had a unique problem, which we common pathetic human beings living in parched Delhi lands can never even imagine! So his problem was - " Bhai log ..jaisa ki aap sab jaante hain ki kareeb pichle ek mahine se mumbai me barish ho rai hai , dhoop nai nikal rahi , jis wajah se kapde nai sookhte . bhai kapde to bhaad me jaaye (clothes can go to hell) but main problem hai ki is karan chaddiyan bhi nai sookhti !!! Zindagi barbad ho gai hai, meri din ka chain aur raat ki neend ud gai hai .. please is samasya se nipatne ka koi asan upay batawe""

For the illiterates, this is what a chaddi is - click here

Now considering that over 50% of the population of India lives in Delhi and Mumbai (ok!! stop wondering, have you ever seen traffic jams in these two cities in the peak hours?!?) And lets assume mumbai has more people living in it (Sala aadha India hero banne ke chakker mein mumbai jaake baith jaata hai!) So anyways, our assumption says population of mumbai is around 30 crores!! So this "geeli chaddi trouble" is not only for my dear sarkari friend but also his 30 crore fellow-aspiring-movie-stars problem! Anyways, so here is a list of potential problems solutions to this problem, feel free to add your own!

1) Buy 30 new chaddis, one for each day. Rains can not last for more than a month! Wash all of them together once the monsoons are over! (Lagta hai iske baap ki chaddiyo ki dukaan hai, fokat advertizing kar raha hai yaha!

2) Buy a washing machine with a dryer!! (intelligent fellow i must say! Washing machine ke paise tera chacha dega?)

3) Tie a thread on the fan, and then tie your chaddi on the thread!! Ghoom ghoom ke ek din sokh hi jayegi!!

4) Polythene ki chaddi banwa lo!! Na geeli hogi, na koi tension!!

5) Lungi (link) pehanna chalu kar do!

6) Last but not the least, one guy got frustrated and replied!  - Kya bakwaas hai, jis din na sookhe, us din mat pehno! (awesome idea!! err.. but dont try this at home!, The furobiker group is not responsible for any cuts/impotency caused by the zip of your pant if you follow this method :P :D :D )

Dekha!! How easily some of the most complex problems of life can be solved! :D :D  Bas 5 engineer bitha do bakar karne ke liye, sala koi na koi solution to nikaal hi denge!! :D :D :D Now fatafat add your solutions to the "Geeli Chaddi Problem" in the comments! 

of new rupee symbol and other stuff ..

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

So finally India got a new rupee symbol! Not that it increases our pathetic salaries or makes any difference to our lives, but still half of the country is going crazy cutting the Hindi 'Ra' by 2 lines.. Aakhir peene walo ko peene ka bahana chahiye! Phew!

Its been barely a week and i even spotted a chick in the market near my home wearing a t-shirt having that symbol! :O I just wish she was a bit 'not-so-fat' so that the symbol would retain its original dimensions :D

So any idea where will this symbol be used? I mean except for the profile pics of the people who are living examples of the mustache guy from rang de basanti! The government can not print whole new currency with the new symbol. All international reports are published in dollars and euros. Hell, there isn't a way to type it even as of now! So just use a pic of it as of now while writing long long blog posts about the use(less)full-ness of the whole exercise !

By the way, who says there are no blondes in India? Start following Sherlin Chopra on Twitter! I bet rakheejee can beet Sherry hand down in an IQ test! But..well..ummm.. Sherry sometimes posts some nice pics of somethings somethings having silicon somethings somethings.. so its worth following her at times ;) As i search more on twitter, i find more and more interesting people to follow. Its really cool to see how can people write so funny and deep things in 140 characters. And yeah, and also how people spare so much time to tweet useless stuff whole day! :D :D

Somehow my gut feeling says, half of the stadiums and venues will not be ready for the Commonwealth games 2010. Other day, i was passing by the games village near ghaziabad/noida and it looked nothing more than a pile of debris left out after a massive earthquake! Flyovers are under construction, some or the other venue falls when there is a rain of even 2MM in Delhi, unofficial road side swimming pools are available in plenty, and  people are still fighting over the length of miniskirts of the cheer leaders who are supposed to dance in the opening ceremony! Ki farak painda hai ! Humne kaunsa 100 meter race me bhagne jaana tha! :D

So how are things out here in the blog world? Why is everyone else also behaving like a laaazy octopus and taking years to update their blogs? wait a minute! Do octopuses have their own blogs? :D :D :P

PS: Check this site for any information relating to euro tail lights

Avoid Holding It That Way

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Updated: If you do not know what i am talking about, please check these articles - Article 1, Article 2, Article 3

I mean come on! Steve Jobs - you must be a genius while handling press conferences and maybe while thinking about new products and ideas.But then you should realize that you are no more than just another human being and every human being makes mistakes! So just accept it when you fuck up your antennas in the new iPhone 4 !

Its really lame and disgusting on your part to ask a consumer to change the way he holds his phone just because you do not know when to stop taking your new product to beauty parlors instead of proper prototype testing labs! (or worse, your engineers even drop the prototypes in random bars across the country!)  There is damn real evidence all over the web showing that your iPhone antenna is screwed when people hold it in their left hands, thereby joining the upper and lower half of the phone body and hence shorting the antenna! So just stop being a stubborn egoist and replace the damn unbaked handsets of all the consumers whom you shipped just to show off how much you can sell on day one instead of focusing on how good your product is!

This kaand by apple, will henceforth be known as Apple Antennae-gate Kaand! (sounds like some sleazy mms kaand :D )

Before you ask, Yes i am an Android Fanboy

Waka Waka yey yey!

Friday, July 09, 2010

So how much do you think beauty queen Rakheeji knows about Novikov self-consistency principle relating to space time travel?  Ya right! My knowledge levels are same about football!

All i know is that there is some saint known as Paul octopus baba ji in Germany, who decides the results of the matches, and then the teams go to the ground to execute his orders! And they call us Indians as superstitious! Crazy people! By the way most of the people i know are just shouting the name of one or the other team just to show off that they are not football illiterates ! Why is this sudden euphoria about football in sadda India all of a sudden? Saala jidhar cheer-leaders dikhti hai, sab usi game ke dewane ho jate hain! ! !  :D :D

Waise, i know something more about Football, its known as Vuvuzela!!! Woo hoo! Bi God ki kasam! Kya mast tune banai hai! I wish it was a bit more musical, but as of now, i am happy with the IPL hooter sound as my phone ringtone! Its a goody goody feeling when my phone rings in the public places, people give that look, smirk and turn away! Even my parents behave as if i am the chotu of the house, being brought along with to pick up all the vegetable packets! Well, its a different case that i am the chotu of the house who is taken every Saturday to the Shani bazaar to pick up all the vegetable packets! Phew. Its a dogs life, i tell you..

By the way, if you were on a short vacation or were stuck inside you home in the past 4 days then there is a sad news for you! My dear friend, you missed the monsoon season in Delhi for the year 2010 ! Yeah, there were sprinkles one day and 3 MM rain on the other day! First day, i was stuck in a one hour traffic jam, second day a phucking 3 hour traffic jam!

Slowly, the realization has dawned on me that i am a winter person. I dont like summers, i dont like rains, and i am kind of neutral towards winters! Wait a minute, i aways thought there were 5 seasons! This old age is taking its toll on my memory, anyways! Signing out for now, gotta eat dinner while watching Annu malik tell 2 year old kids how to improve their Taffaluz and tallafuz!  How come i never met a guy with the name Annu ever? Is that the secret behind his melodious voice?

Kasauli trip !

Saturday, July 03, 2010

I vanished again from Delhi, this time for a quick weekend trip to Kasauli!

Kasauli is a small hill station on the way to Shimla. It is so small, that there are practically no 'Points" to see here. Yeah the same "points" for which you hire cabs at exorbitant rates on every hill station. Those old rickety maruti 800s with songs of Ashiqui still playing out of a deck playing an audio cassette! (who the fuck uses an audio cassette these days? Last time i saw an audio cassette tape was in some outfit worn by mithun chakarwarty in some of his rockstar dresses as frills!) Have you ever observed, that there is a typical genre of songs known as - Hill Station Cab Driver Type! Those guys are still stuck with romantic songs released between 1990-1995! Or maybe they expect to make the scene more coochie coo for honeymooning couples with those stupid songs!

Btw, honeymooning couples se yaad aya, try observing, those hill station taxi drivers, they either remove their inside rear view mirror or bend it down, Always! Ab sala aadmi hill station jaata hi kyu hain ! Is someone else also hearing Chiggi Wiggi song in the background? :D:D

Coming back to the topic, Kasauli is not such kind of a hill station sir! There is not much to roam around over there in cabs. Every hotel / lounge / resort in Kasauli has the list of only 10 points of which we accidentally saw 3 while just walking on the road! Before i forget, outside one of the British era church, there sits a battalion of British soldiers! Fucking monkeys, one of whom threatened me and snatched my chips!

So why should you go to Kasauli in the first place?

Good Question! Its a kickass place to go with your chaddi-buddies and not chicks! Every hotel has a roof top bar, weather is just awesome to sit in the bar and raise toast to the awesomeness of the natural beauty around. There is a balcony in every room with an equally awesome view of the mountains from where you can admire the beauty while singing "collar ko toda sa upar chadake, cigrette ke dhue ke challe banake!" And yeah, the food is super awesome! So all in all its a chillax place, reach there on Saturday morning, "de-tox" yourself :P and then start back on Sunday evening!

Kasauli Trip!
Oh and i should warn you, dont go there with an expectation of watching the usual flood of hot chicks. Unlike other hill stations, Kasauli is flooded with families from sadda punjab, with most of the chicks looking like they were chicks some 20 years ago and now carry 2 kids and 40 kgs extra on them :D

Song of the moment - Tere dar pe sanam, chale aayeeeeee.. tu na aaya to hum, chale aayeeeee :D :D :D