The Furobiker

Like all famous bloggers, newspapers and celebrities, here i am with the list of my self proclaimed best posts on this blog in 2009. Do let me know your comments on these posts: (Click on the titles to goto the posts!)

1) What MEN talk?? 

2) Dummys guide to ladki pataying!

3) The one where i thank my mom!

4) Look there is a bomb in my microwave!!

5) Wanna throw shoes on politicians?

6) I am happy singh! My blog got mention on Business Standard!

7) Jackwa aur Jilwa - Bigg Boss Anthem!

8) Pathankot mein Cinema!

9) Delhi mein sexy ladkiyo ko kya kehte hain? Dunno about the post, i love the title!

10) And of course the Pravesh Rana post, which made my blog an instant hit!!

Another year passes by, the age meter ticks ahead by one, the wisdom meter still at zero. So this was one of the most happening years of my life. If you are as busy as himesh reshamya after his performance in Radio, then surely go ahead and read my junk!

So whats been keeping me busy ??

It was a Road Trip to sadda Punjab!! Let us look at the route first

Delhi >> Murthal >> Ludhiana >> Jalandhar >> Amritsar >> Wagha Border >> Amritsar >> Phagwada >> Chandigarh >> Ambala >> Delhi

In short 1100 Kms in a couple of days!! ( Oh yes, i love to drive!! )

I will come up with detailed post(s) on my trip, till then make peace thinking about the new vehicle i am planning to buy for further road trips to Punjab!!

Its vaccation time people, so expect less posts on this blog for the next couple of days. Dont worry, i will be back with the finale post on the Bigg Boss before doing a round up of the 2009. 

First of all let me declare - It was the craziest day on my blog today. In less than 20 hours my blog witnessed 3000 visitors, 6500 pageviews, over 300 comments out of which i had to delete about 50 for being too abusive. Thanks Bigg Boss !!

Some sort of fight started in the comments. Genuine people were cursing for showing utter disrespect to the most important thing in life - Food. And there seemed to be some planted guys, who wanted to counter the genuine people and show some good sides of pravesh. Actually face it, there is no positive side of that guy, so they were trying to blame Vindu dara singh and Poonam Dhillon for the episode.

Someone sent a stark link in the comments - You all must have heard when pravesh mentioned about his agency who sent him. So people did a research and found an agency.The article on agency's site already gave his strategy as soon as he entered the house. He went in there with a plan of pataoing Claudia or Shamita! So now everyone knows he is a fake guy who already had a plan in mind.

By the way - Pravesh apologised to Vindu and Poonam for throwing food. But will he be able to heal the hearts of the poor common people of India who barely get food once in 2 days?
Was it a total planned event to increase the TRPs or is it another spolt brat claiming to be a stupid common man of India?

A person who can not give respect to food is not worth of calling himself a common man.

I can only say one word about him - Cheapness Personified. In some people you can spot the cheapness as soon as you see them. So my previous interpretation about this small village celebrity was very true. (click here to read)

Throwing the bare minimum food in the bigg boss house into the swimming pool and then calling yourself as a representative of the common man of India is just not done. There is nothing more precious for a common man than a loaf of bread, a couple of rotis, some good vegetables to eat.

Sorry to say Mr Pravesh Rana.. you have lost all your chances of being a celebrity for ever.  You can never win Bigg Boss 3

This terrorist has some serious talents to become a scriptwriter in the Indian film industry!

This pakistani terrorist now claims that he is not a terrorist at all! - He came to India to work in movies? I am just  feeling shame at the people sitting in the court where he was uttering such shit! Joota nikaal ke marna chahiye tha usko!! From the DC

According to TV reports, Kasab said he had never seen an AK-47 rifle in his life, that he was not part of the terror training camp in Pakistan and that he had landed in Mumbai in the company of other terrorists.

Kasab told the court that he had come to India on a valid visa, that he wanted to be a Bollywood actor and that he had been arrested on November 25, the night before the deadly terror attacks of 26/11.

It is really a shame that we are listening to all the crap this guy has to say instead of just executing him in public. A really shameful day for Indian Judicial System. And on this day my heart weeps for the solders who shed their lives to kill the remaining terrorists. Who knows if they had waited outside for the terrorists to exhaust their ammunitions and then just arrested them, the judiciary would have nominated all the terrorists for "Best Upcoming Actor - Male" in the film-fare awards! And we would have saved some great solders!

Simple hai!! If TGIF is thank God its Friday, then there should have been something for the Monday too? Right?

As most of you would not be knowing, i was Shakespeare in my previous birth ( i am planning to validate it by going into raaz pichle janam ka!) So i coin this term OFIM!! Every Monday, six billion people of this world will keep their status messages, twitter messages and facebook updates as OFIM - oh fcuk its monday!

Why does Monday have to come anyway? I dont know of anyone in this world (except managers!) who do not hate this day. This day has been insulted and tagged as an awful way which forces human beings to waste 1/7th of their lives!! Why cant Monday be a holiday ? The offices should open only on Tuesdays. (or better Wednesdays :D )


By the time i will reach office to publish this blog, my timeline will already be filled up with Monday and sad smileys. Phew. I am already having Monday Morning Blues!

PS: It is one of the I-am-not-in-a-mood-to-work-on-Monday-Mornings kind of rant. Please ignore!

As you all know i am a huge Bigg Boss 3 fan/follower. So the show has entered into its final season with only 4 participants left inside the house. Here is my commentary on each of them and why they should win or loose

Vindu Dara Singh - This man has confidence and guts! None of the human beings i have met likes this guy, but still he is inside the house even after 7 nominations! Looks like a sentimental sumo wrestler, and his tear glands can give competition to almost all the females in this world. (Oh yes including the frail females in the ekta kappor shows too!) His talks and behavior strongly suggest that he was an avid watcher of Kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi..kind of serials. According to me - he has the highest chances of winning. I dont know if he has paid someone to send votes for him like maniacs or does someone actually like him out there!!

Poonam Dhillon aunty - She is the mummy figure in the house. All the mummys of India like her and vote for her. Her saying no to the artificial cheese cake and making a love filled low calorie Halwa-cake herself was a killer point. Meri mom ki aankhon mein to aansu aa gaye the! Poore India ke bacche use pyar se poonam nani kehkar pukarte hain :D

Pravesh Rana - No comments. He is just another hero of his village who could dance 3 steps which he learnt frm prabhu deva movies. Just because his village boys used to call him Saaaroookh.. he simply thimks of himself to be the real Saaroookh!


Bakhtiyar Irani - Do you remember your biology sessions in class 9? Leave aside those male and female anatomy chapters dirty minds, there was a chapter about plants. There is a strong plant and then there are parasite plants. Parasite plants need some strong plant to stick to them and spend their lives. Got the point? This guy needs either his wife, or his holy book or someone else's wife to regain his confidence to act like short angry young man :D :D Looser i say!

So my final verdict is Vindu Dara Singh! You like it or not, he is going to win.Any different opinions?

PS: Cutie aditi govitrikar got eliminated today :(

I have started loving Google Suggest feature. Sometimes it gives ridiculously funny results! Start typing anything with what, why, how and see..

Can you beat that?? 1 crore 31 lakh results for Why are indians afraid of Dogs??
Technorai code: Y5B96XENV8NT

Or something like that.. I heard this ad on TV few minutes ago while watching Bigg Boss 3. It sent me into the thinking mode that when will people get over this caste n all crappy stuff!!

Blame it on my birth in punjabi community or on the environment around me. I never had any such feeling towards any cast, creed etc. And that is probably because there is not much caste system in Punjabis? If you are a punju, then you are a punju and nothing else. I know we are bigg show off people and like to flaunt endlessly, we envy that how can others show off more than us and a lot of bullshit, but then everyone is same around.


I really love to sit around conversations where people are discussing such stuff, it gives me a lot of entertainment material to laugh for days. By the way i used to get so irritated by this system when i was in college. My college is in banaras and on the scale of 1 to 10, i rank banaras at 100 on the basis of discrimination in the society. They wont say it on the face, they are all happy go lucky people, but the moment they ask your full name, it begins!

I just feel like saying - Grow up people! In this age, this bullshit aint gonna get you anywhere!

So as you all know i took a middle of the week break to attend my cousin's marriage.

I went there more for the joy of a road trip and less for the purpose of marriage. The trip was fun - In 36 hours i drove about 700kms, attended wedding almost whole night and finally reported back to work the next day!!

One major thing i have noticed is that i still feel very awkward and shy holding a daru ka gilaas (glass of alcohol) in front of my dad! my feet automatically tend to take me to the farthest corner away from the place where my dad is standing. I guess thats what you call the Indian culture which somehow got ingrained in my mind and body :O :O

The road trip was fun, especially driving in heavy fog, where you cant see beyond 20 meters! I switched on both the fog lights and hazard lights, still no improvement in visibility. And the most wonderful feeling comes when you switch to high beam - It seems as if you are driving in the clouds, and the foggy clouds hitting your face (wind-shield)every second! Awesome! (and dangerous too!)

I somehow love such places. Whenever i envision where i would be after 20 years, I imagine living in a similar small town, with life running at a much slower pace compared to delhi. Where people have no hurry to go anywhere. Where there are more social relations between the people and the term "complicated" relationships is unheard of.  I guess the traces of real life are left only in such places and what we live in Delhi is just the life of a machine running 24 hours a day to print money and nothing else...

Oh! I forgot to mention about the marriage! Well well, what do you wanna know about punjabi marriages? Think about the maximum show-off you can ever imagine, the maximum tamasha (even more than rakheejee!) and of course butter chicken and daaru are the national symbols of our community :D

How can you ever imagine that Rakheejee will appear in a program and i will miss it? I was waiting 15 minutes in front of the TV even before the program started :D

So this time she appeared on another reality show, Perfect Bride! Another reality show where guys come to find a perfect bride and girls come to be the perfect bride. Another of the type of Rakhee Sawant Ka Swyamvar! (but for common non-famous people who want to get noticed on TV and get some television related projects ;) ;) )

So the winner of the finale is - Rumpa Roy!! which was kind of expected from the show from the past few weeks! But unexpectedly they did marry on the show! unlike the last time?

By the way - i like such shows. A perfect blend of pyar mohabbat, politics, jealousy, revenge, aspiration to marry on national television, lust for prize money, ego tussles and what not! I conducted a poll of people who watch this show and a surprising number of people like none of the guys, none of the girls but Hitesh's mummyjeeee !!! A perect ekta kapoor serial saas / mom kind of female!!


What fun do people get by opening their private life on national television! I think marriage is too serious and too sacred a thing to be made mockery of on the national television? And what if someone makes a pair on the TeeVee and then breaks up after that? To how many people will their parents/relatives give answer to they why did it happen?

Even though i like to watch any and all kind of reality shows but still i feel some kind of generation gap between me and these reality shows.

The first and only rule i would like to create will be


I mean i dont give a damn about terrorism, politics, corruption, recession or any other such shitty thing. What annoys me the most  is female drivers!!  For Gods sake, why do you have to drive in the center of the road or on the extreme right! Here are some definitions to help you!


Overtaking lane - a lane in which you drive to overtake other vehicles, not the lane where you drive at 20kmph so that everyone overtakes you from the left hand side!

Rearview mirror - A mirror inside the car, with the only purpose of its existence to use it to watch the traffic behind you. It is not to be used on every red-light to see your face and cover it with the skin color liquid, or color your eyes with that black sketch-pen! I observe it every morning!

Driving Seat - it is a chair like thing where you sit, steering wheel is not the place where you should sit and watch the front end of your car!!

I have always been wondering, why do female drivers hang on the top of their steering wheels to see the front end of the car? They fear someone will steal their furry pink teddy bear stickers from the bonnet of their car? :D :D

Waise on the second thoughts, i would not like them to completely vanish from roads, or else how would i bear my 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening on the road! :D :D


The president declares a free driver for any female who wants to go somewhere, but dont drive puhlease!!

or i should say Wedding calling! (not mine of course!)

If you don't know, Rudrapur is a place about (40+27= 67 kms before nainital on Delhi - Nainital Route)

This small town is a very firangi kind of place. First of all like most of the big states (bombay - mumbai, madras - chennai) this place also changed names to Udham Singh Nagar. And the stylo people of this place write it in short as US nagar. Ekdum amreekan lagta hai !!

The second thing, this place falls in Uttrakhand (a divided part of Uttar Pradesh). So the address on the wedding card states

House Number XXX
Angrezo ke zamane ki gali,
US Nagar,
UK !!

US and UK both in the address,ekdum firangi jagah hai bhai! Chalo i am off now, will see you on the other side of this short vacation!

First of all sorry people!

I have recently got a lot of eggs and tomatoes thrown on my head for not replying to reader comments on this blog! My excuses range from laziness to procrastination. My bad! And my apologies for it.

It seems people have a huge patience limit than compared to what i thought. They want to hear more gibberish from me in the comments section too!! Sone pe suhaga :D

On a serious note, i have made a policy to answer all the comments which have a question mark .. this sign " ? ". so please make sure you enter this special symbol whenever you want me to answer some of your query. :D

By the way, if you have got spare 2 minutes, please fill this bloggers survey for me click here

Thanks!

I went to another marriage function with my mom yesterday. Here are my few observations and my comments on it...

1) It has always been a tradition to say "boy and girl are getting married". But these days, in most of the marriages i attend, i am forced to say " uncle aunty ki shaadi hai !!" Cmmon people, why is everyone postponing their marriages to their 30s ?

2) I just love this banquet hall marriages. The usually have 2 or 3 halls, where they can host different functions. So if the food is not good in one of the halls, you are always welcome to check out the other hall :D . The marriage i went yesterday was only serving vegetarian food!! No worries - the wedding on the first floor hall had non-veg food. Simple! And yeah, do not forget to say Namaste to some random oldie uncle and aunties!

3) Why cant oldies live their life in peace? Why do they have to worry about if the marriage is love marriage or arranged! I am talking about the random relatives who only meet each other in marriages and they forget each other during the rest of the year .. and sometime for years! But whenever they meet, they certainly have to bitch about - Who selected the girl? Were not there any better girls? and some more blah blah! Dude! No one bothers about your opinion, so why worry?

4) Firangi people have certainly got bored of " Hungry India, Poor India" . Almost at every wedding, there are some firangi friends, who are ready with their SLR cameras to capture every moment to the Great Indian Wedding Tamasha. Seriously they are the only ones who enjoy each moment to the core without worrying about anything!

5) Lastly and sadly, where are all the good looking girls? Punjabi marriages are famous for being the prefect hangout place to ogle at hundreds of Katto girls, but sadly in the past year or so, the number of good looking girls have decreased at an exponential rate in such weddings!! Is this the end of glamor in punjabi marriages?

All of you who wanted to know who am i?, what do i do? here is a brief story of my life. Got the idea from an email forward, customised it to my own life...


Movie: ‘A Wednesday’
Scene: Commissioner Rathore and Narrisuddin Shah talking on fone

Commissioner Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehchaan hai tumhari ?

The Furobiker : Kaun hoon mein...?? Commissioner sahab! Mein vo naujawan hu jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

Mein vo hoon jo, jo roz subha office jane se pehle sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

Mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
Mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturday ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

Mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to... warna to aise hi chal rahi hai zindagi ki khaani

Mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain - kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Project office ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the same old ..Stupid Common Man of India

Do i need to say anything more ?

These days everyone is running around in their underpants shouting Eureka Eureka as soon as they spot an advertisement for their mobile operator launching pay-per-second plan! I mean its a really cool idea to pay for what you have used. But then be beware! In some cases these plans may prove costly to you, especially if you engage in longer conversations!!

I just love these pay per paisa plans, specially whenever i see my call ending at 1.01 minutes or say some 5-10 seconds over a minute. Kya bataun, meri aankhon mein khushi ke aanshu bhar aate hain! I feel so proud of myself for both switching to pay per second plan and also talking 1 second over a minute!! :D

Airtel wale mera bill dekhenge ki all the calls are ending at 1 or 2 second above a full minute and i am just paying them 1 paisa for it instead of full rupee, rakheejee ki kasam , wo log apne baal noch noch ke ganje ho jayenge !! :D :D  Sochenge kaisa chindi-chor aa gaya hai hamare network pe !! :D :D

By the way, i found this really cool table comparing the plans of different operators! Business Standard Link

Adios!