Sala jab is desh ke army wale aisa karte hain..

..to is desh ke log terrorists se kyu darte hain?

An excerpt from the Times of India  (click here to read the entire article)

According to Dushyant Singh, cheif security officer in the ministry of Home Affairs who is an eyewitness to the entire incident. "The train had reached the Bareilly station around 11.50 pm on Saturday when the captain stepped in. He immediately switched on all compartment lights. When we protested, he said he was "on duty'' and hence the lights need to be switched on,'' said Singh.

It was then that passengers called the TTE. The TTE, Ashok Pandey, tried to explain that lights are switched off between 10 pm and 6 am in every sleeper coach. "This infuriated Mallik and he pulled out his loaded weapon to threaten us.The RPF staff inside the train were also called but the army officer continued with his threats,'' said Singh.

According to RPF and Moradabad GRP sources, their colleagues inside the train then sent a message to Moradabad and asked senior officials to come to the platform.

When the train reached the platform, D K Sharma, senior divisional finance manager tried to control the station. It was already 2.30 am. "At Moradabad, I tried to intervene, but he threatened to shoot me. GRP then decided to switch off lights of the compartment. The officer took out torches and began waving them on us,'' said a GRP official. Ultimately, the train left half-an-hour later, its lights restored and switched on.

At Najibabad, the next station where the train halted, Singh lodged a complaint with the GRP and contacted Mallik's commanding officer, colonel Vivek Kocchar. According to RPF claims, even after Kochhar asked Mallik to behave, he defied his orders. When the train reached Dehradun, Kocchar who was personally present at the station asked the military to step in.

This honorable man in the uniform was identified as captain S S Mallik posted with 2/3 Gorkha Rifles at Dehradun.

Now i found the exact reason why i feel bad when i see so much deductions as TAX in my salary slip. I pay the tax so that government can provide free ration and cheap alcohol to such kind of Armymen!

Pathankot mein bhayyaji ne dekha Cinema!!

So here comes a post from my trip.

While coming back to Delhi, we had to catch a train from Pathankot. We reached a few hours too early in Pathankot! So what to do? We decided to watch Love aaj kal ...again! There is a cinema hall just outside the bus stand in Pathankot, so here goes the whole movie watching incident!

First of all i was literally shocked, with my jaw touching the ground when i shouted Kyaaaaaa (visualize it in ekta kapoor style serial with showing my face from three different angles) to the guy selling tickets! Platinum lounge tickets ( a special area in the balcony ) only for Rs 70 !! By the way they did not print any seat numbers on the ticket!

When i entered the lounge and asked for my seat, the TC (ticket checker) said "arre sir kahi bhi baithieye.. apni hi jagah hai!!" But the hall was a good one, very neat and clean and only 4-5 people in the whole cinema + my gang. And then what happened was the most hilarious incident of my life!

Dhupppp!!! Lights went out!

Me: Abe kya hua?

TC: Sirjee light chali gai!!

(few mins later generator pulls in and movie restarts)

DHUPPPP!!!

Me: Abe ab kya hua??

TC: Sirjee generator mein tel (diesel) khatam ho gaya hai.. Chotu gaya hai tel lene.. bas aata hi hoga!

(few mins later chotu fills the generator with diesel and the movie restarts)

Cheeeeen!! ( The side door opens filling the whole hall with light)

ME: Abe!!!

TC: Sirjee wo Mr XXX(some big guy) is coming, bas 2 min

Then comes a 225 pound big guy with his wife and another female.. And then the movie starts! Thankfully there were no disturbances till the interval! During the interval i went to washroom. There was a 12-13 year old kid playing kushti(wrestling) with the tap! 

Me: kya kar raha hai bhai?

Kid: I want to wash my hands and this tap isn't throwing out any water!

Me: Dude.. it is a sensor based tap, keep your hands 1 cm away and it will start! 

Kid: AAila! 

I went for a Long Term Fixed Deposit . When i came back after good 5 mins, the kid was again wrestling with the TAP!! 

ME: Abe ab tak kya kar raha hai?

Kid: This tap isnt closing!

Me: Aaaargh! MOVE AWAY FROM THE TAP!!!! IT WILL CLOSE BY ITSELF!!

Kid: Bade pagal log hain.. itna complicated tap banaya hai to instructions kyu nahi likhte??

ME: AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

I banged my head on the washbasin ! 

Sala aisa mere sath hi kyu hota hai hamesha!! Anyways watching the movie in such a hall with such a great audience is a fun it itself and i am not lying! :D :D :D

Dekha maa.. maine kaha tha na main ek din bahut bada aadmi banunga

Guess What!! I saw this when i opened my facebook account today!!

I have been selected as another slumdog for being another tester for a crap software that firangis built!! WTF!

Dude! Go and build something cool and then offer it to us.. we are not some lab rats to test your beta softwares so that you can launch the premium ultra cool versions of your softwares for your firangi brothers! No seriously, India is the biggest population base for any web company in the world. Thats partly due to a common hatred amongst Indians against any contraceptive.. but anyhow we are the biggest consumers.. so please provide us with the finished products please and not some ultra crappy bug filled creepy versions which breaks every now and then!

Anyways i am super duper bored of these social networking sites. They are nothing more than time-wasting online addas for desperate guys who have their only chance of talking to females is through internet! My female friends crib about the fraaaandsheep request they receive from Cyber-Despos and my chaddi-buddies joined these networks just to ogle at more number of females per day!

Oh yes for sure i am in bad mood.. Why? Just because a bullshit website showed this message to me .. " Your ip address indicates that you are not in United States, We are sorry, this feature is only available for users in United States" BULLSHIT!!

Sometimes I feel..

...may be it was better then when I had an imaginary friend...

people thought me crazy but atleast I was not alone :-|

Via

The sweetest video i have ever seen

What do you think?

Fraud Saali !!!

Do you people get such fraud messages anytime?? Can anyone tell me where to report such messages??

********************************************

From salma muhammad
reply-to salma.mohammed@rocketmail.com

55 Boulevard Roume | 04 BP 1885, Abidjan 17785
Cote D' Ivoire West Africa.
(00225-05-39-30-38)
My dearest,

You may be surprise to receive my mail today ,How are you and your business,i hope all is well. I know that my message will come to you as a surprise since I don't know you in person or meet with you before,please I have a problem which I needed a help from you. I have decided to write you for help. I have a proposal for you-this, however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will.I am in a state of delinma and your profile pushed me to send you this mail
As a maater of personal introduction, I am Salma Muhammad from SIERRE-LEONE Country and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs.Hassan Muhammad.

My father was a highly reputable business magnet (a cocoa merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on 12th.Febuary 2007.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 8 years old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on 12/2/ 2007 he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of $15MUSD (FiFteen million,United State Dollars). left in fixed/suspense account in one of the prime banks here in Abidjan that he used my name as his only daughter for the next of Kin in depositing of the fund.

I am just a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here Abidjan in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.
Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me as your daughter?

2. Can I completely trust you?

I onsider you will be of great assistance to me by receiving the money in your account and to stand as my guardian in investing the fund and see to my education. Please, Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Thank you so much, May God bless you and your family as you come my aid.

Yours sincerely

Miss Salma Muhammad
***********************************
BULLSHIT!!!!

The Golden Gate, San Francisco !!

Another weekend .. another trip !!

I know i know.. i have not updated you all about my trip on the previous weekend.. but this weekend also i went on a trip!! This time to Haridwar and Rishikesh!!

By the way the hangover of the movie love aj kal still remains on me.. This is a pic of me with the famous Laxman jhoola .. or was it ram jhoola ? I mean with one of those jhoola's in Rishikesh! more pics to come !!

Abby with the Indian Golden Gate!!

The jhoola without any weird people posing in front of it :D

Look whose back!!

Hello people..

I am back from my 5 days of vacation. I covered Pathankot, Dharamshala and McLeod Ganj during the time.. There are lots and lots of stories to tell from the trip.. Be back tomorrow to read some interesting ;) incidents from the trip..

By the way.. People are so concerned about me.. Check out this link..atleast 8 people mailed me this link (click here to read)

The colors of Independence

FYI = For Your Information

I found this image couple of days back, and thought it is an appropriate one for the people putting in their noses in everyone else's affairs! Everyone of us can apply it figuratively in each scenario! The bottom line is 

"Mind your own fcuking business!!"

Ek chumma to humko udhaar dei de

Aur badle mein UP - Bihar lei le !!!

Shilpa must be thinking why on the earth did she feature on this song!! now every tom, dcik and harry are running to give her kisses!

Meri zindagi bhar ki tapasya ka fal mil gaya mujhe aaj!! Thankyou bhagwaan!!

This must be an indicator for the actresses, that babes, when oldies start ogling at you and never miss a chance to kiss you, whereas youngsters say, shilpa aunty aap us movie mein bahut graceful lag rahi thi .. then your time's up babes!! And particularly oldies are interested in kissing shilpa these days.. Richard gere was one of them.. if he had married in the right age.. he would have had a grand daughter older than shilpa! And now this sadhu baba.. poori zindagi bas isi pal ke ke liye tapasya kari thi!!

By the way.. i saw Luck movie! I cant do as much justice to the review as Sanjukta has done. Sala mera bad luck hi kharab tha that i decided to watch this movie!! No story, no acting, no hottie heroines. And a pathetic plot! Save your ass and dont watch the movie! If you have good luck then you wont have watched this movie probably till now. and now avoid watching it.. Yuck movie!! ZERO STARS!!!!

Desi love story mein hamesha ladkiyon ka naam hi kyu pehle aata hai??

Yeah you guessed it right .. i am talking about Love Aaj Kal.. !! And as sant Abby said.. there are two kinds of people in this world..

First . who loved Love Aaj Kal

Second.. Who dont have a taste of good movies!! (yeah yeah.. i know you love those mindless angrezi movies where you need subtitles to understand what are people saying..!! and you just watch them to show off in front of your uneducated friends like me !! )

Bhaisahab hum log to aam aadmi hain .. Mango People !! we slumdogs are illiterate when it comes to angrezi movies.. and as my mom calls them .. wo jhaadoo pe udne wala ladka (potter!) But wo rishie kapoor ka touch and wo us zamane ka pyar karne ka style.. waah! And if you did not like the movie.. then you are not mango people.. you are probably a Green-Mango-More ! (go figure out! ) :D :D :P

And what can i say about meri deepika padu-kone ki smile.. waaaaaaaaaaaah.. aur main bhi ye sankalp leta hun..

"is janam mein aur har janam mein... yehi meri votti banegi "

Rishie uncle ki acting bhi ekdum dhinchak hai .. And that dialogue "hamare zamane mein to ye kuch kuch shaadi ke baad hota tha.. tum log to pehle kuch kuch karte ho fir poochte hi behanji .. aapka naam kya hai :D :D :D kya dialogue mara boss.. but hai re meri phooti kismat.. aisi koi behanji ajtak nahi mili life mein !! :(( :((

Here is my fav song from the movie!



By the way.. i loved the 1960's wali love story more (with the exclusive punjabi touch ) .. Which one was your fav story in the movie?? Ok now just dont say Deepika wali .. kuch to sharam kar sale.. teri hone wali bhabhi hai !! Ja tu harleen kaur se kaam chala le :D :D

Bacche ki madad karo

I got this mail from Sparsh .. one of the few geniuses i have met in life! And this is a first time he has asked me to help him. I am publishing his mail below.. do spend 2 minutes on helping him
*****************************************************************
Hello,

Hope this email finds you in good health. I need a quick favor from you and would be glad if you can devote a couple of minutes and read rest of the email and give me some very useful data for my MSc thesis.

All I want from you is to visit the website: http://sparshgupta.host56.com/

Read the instructions on the webpage and then you would be shown a dummy shopping portal comparison webpage. You then need to surf on the shopping portal webpage normally and choose the best model you would potentially buy. Once you have decided, simply click the 'Buy Now' button. You need not to give any further details there and ofcourse you won't be charged (and you won't get any laptop as well).

There are a couple of hidden layers (Javascripts) in the background that will automatically collect loads of data. I will later use that data to run some Machine Learning procedures for my research.

Incase you want further details about the work I am doing or you have a feedback, comment or query Or you just want to wish me luck, please hit the reply button.

P.S. I would get even more data which would certainly help me achieving better results, if you do the whole procedure multiple times :D (after refreshing the webpage)

Best,

Sparsh Gupta
MSc Computer Science
University of Oxford

Happy Rakhsha Bandhan Kiddo sis

I recently saw the chocolate ad in which the gal says to her brother.. that you should tie a rakhee to my hand as i save you from mummy's scoldings! I felt like ekdum sacchi boli re baba! My kiddo sis also saves me from mummy's scoldings all the time! She din even pass on all the complaints my teachers used to send (yeah we were in same school for some 5 years) And moreover she used to go to my teaches to say, yes maam ..maine mummy ko complaint kar di :D :D :D

I never understood the fashion of having chocolates as rakhshabandhan gift! But she insists so i gotta get the chocolate pack everytime on rakhee(along with the money filled packet which has a one rupee coin sticking on the outside!!) Although i insist on getting her a paperweight so that she doesn't fly off in the wind :D :D .. Oh yeah.. she is also bitten by the size zero bug initiated by Kareena-shahid-to-saif-kapoor..

And yeah .. her temper is the same as this kiddo in the ad :) .. you bet she will throw everything from tea, coffee, to shoes on my head if i din get her a pack of chocolates this rakhshabandhan!



Happy Rakhshabandhan Sissy! and thanks for being my savior all my life..


PS:And thanks for not telling mom about my secret girlfriends in school (secret because no one knew about my girlfriends in schools , not even the girls involved :P :P )

Rakhee Sawant marries Elesh Parujanwala in the finale

And with this.. the chapter of Rakhee Sawant ends on this blog!

Wo actually main ek sundar, susheel aur sanskari ladka hun to doosro ke maal pe nazar nahi dalta :P :P

Finally after a lot of drama and poems by rakhee and her gang, and after 25 advertisement breaks of some condom and some 72 hours contraceptive pills, Rakhee selected a guy from Toronto, with the cool hair(less) style! (She wanted someone to be older than her age.. errr... Not this old i suppose!! )

Seriously i felt like shouting.. kya naatak hai ye! But then someone rephrased it and said.. Kya bakwaas hai ye!!

Adios for now! The Furobiker will follow Katrina Kaif now..  I heard she is still single ;)  ;)  :)

Khush hai zamana aaj pehli tareekh hai !!

Bhai log.. aapka hardik swagat hai is blog pe pehli tareekh ko! Aur doosri khushi ki baat hai ki aaj rakhee ki shaadi bhi hai.. isi khushi mein kuch meetha ho jaye.. (hic! )

Waise i was thinking life has become so monotonous these days.. Same old people in the cab, same old corner in the office..and on the top of it, there are no hot or even warm girls in the new batch of freshers that have joined the office.. phew.. sala mera to badluck hi kharab hai!!

Whenever i think about the first pehli tareekh(ofcourse of the 2nd month in office when i got my first salary)  in office.. khushi ke mare meri aankhen bhar aati hain.. i was on cloud 16.. (cloud 9 + i was on 7th floor at that time :P ) when i saw my account with my first salary! From a cash stripped .. fakir-style-life with no-money-for-beer-engineer i suddenly became thoda ameer.. and had dreams of buying a merc on installments .. but later on that day i did realize that prices in delhi are much higher than prices in banaras ! Here i could only afford a hotwheels merc with my first slumdog salary(  can you hear the sound of my crashing dreams?) .. nevertheless it was a great moment of happyness and pride.. (yeah yeah.. i know people will scold me for incorrect spelling of happyness.. but as someone said.. there can not be a happyness with an I in between.. ).. and yeah a nice dinner in Parikrama - the revolving restaurant in cannaught place.. :) :)

I always had a dream of having my first salary in a brown packet.. from which i could take out a note and write a date and time on it.. and keep it framed on my wall.. so that one day (60 years later of course) when i become a bada aadmi.. (the definition of bada aadmi is the guy who is so fat that he can not open his car door himself and his driver has to run to open the door for him! ) yeah.. so when i become a bada aadmi and press reporters are at my home to take my interview, i could show them how pathetic my first income was and how long way i have traveled!!

But sadly the rate at which my salary is increasing, i can extrapolate it to be twice the starting amount in the next 60 years!! Hey bhagwaan mujhe is recession se bachao!!

So do you also have some nice memories of your first tareekh??