Kya Rakhee Sawant shaadi karne se pehle hi jail chali jayegi??

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Atleast this article (click here) says so :(

I mean i had elaborate plans for Season 2 of Rakhee Sawant ka swyamvar.. Maine uske bhai Ravi kishan ke questions ka bhi ans plan kar liye hain !( I knw i knw.. you all must be saying.. smart guy.. Thanks!)

KYAAAA?? Someone just told me there will not be a season 2 of rakhee ka swyamvar!!
I mean what the hell.. There wont be a season two of this show! Cmmon.. I already decided the sherwanis and chaddis to wear for each episode.. mere raj jyotishi ne special colored chadis batai hain.. different colors and sizes u know.. to get the full benefit of numerology according to the episode number!! Btw Roadies had a season 2, sl*tsvilla(or was it splitsvilla?.. i am confused!)  had season 2 and lots of other shows had season 2.. Why not this one. ;)  Or will the channel come out with a new show after this one..?? Rakhie ka honeymoon??

By the way the article on times of india says, "Tiwari alleged that his concept of marriages through swayamvar was his intellectual property and copyrighted in the year 2008" Bullshit!! This concept is going around since Ramayan days.. ! Who the hell is this tiwari guy to copyright this swyamvar thing!!

Hehe.. i can just remember the dialogue from some shah rukh movie.. jitni shiddat se maine tumhe blah blah blah blah blah... I think this is an aakashvani to Rakhee from bhagwaan.. "Rakhee wo toronto wala guy with a cool hair(less) style is not a fit for you.. Tumhara exact match to yaha baitha bakwaas blogs likh likh ke dunia ko paka raha hai : !!!  Jao . isse shaadi karo aur dunia ko is bakwaas se bachao!!"

:D :D :D

This is what you call - RAINS !!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

And finally it rained in Delhi. Aur sach bolu to Delhi ki to fat li !! I reached home in over 3 hours! There were traffic jams all through Noida to my home.. Some places were almost flooding. At a point, water started entering the cab as we drove through 2 feet deep water!!

But whatever it is.. i loved the rain!! Kya mast punjabi eshtyle mein dhamakedar baarish hui!! I tried live tweeting (@khanna) to help people avoid traffic jams.. Guess no one was befitted due to it.. but someday everyone wil realize the importance of twitter and subscribing to sms updates.. Then they would realize the importance of my live updates.. Sigh!!

Bas kahi se chilled beer aur pakode mil jaate.. life ban jaati .. Chk the image below!!

Mere baal, meri aankhen aur meri skin!!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I logged into my orkut account after about 6 months today!! I just forgot how orkut works!! While going through my albums in orkut account i found this pic of mine..

I just cant remember when was the last time i was so thin!! I gained atleast 35kgs since this pics was taken 6 years ago!!

This is how i look now :( :(

Kya tum mujhse naraaz ho??

Friday, July 24, 2009

"Why should i be??""

Dude!! IF you ever get this reply .. to samajh le teri to watt lag gai boss!!

If your girlfriend ever gives you such an ambiguous/questioning and you-better-confess-all-your-mistakes-or-you-are-going-to-regret kind of a reply then you are totally screwed!

You have two options from here.

First Strategy - You act like you do not know what is she angry for! If you adopt this method.. then my friend, this will go as the biggest mistake in your auto-biography! She will make you remember all the wrong things you did in the past 20 years of your life! Even staring at that hot girl in the parking lot the other day (which was 3 years ago ofcourse)!!

Gyaani abby says: Do not adopt this methodology unless you have 2 movie tickets, one diamond ring, and two tickets to eurotrip in your pocket!!

Second Strategy - Jaisa kissi bade aadmi ne kaha hai .. (bada aadmi = big people who write books and come on TeeeeVeeee!) If you have a bigger problem at hand, break down into smaller problems and your life will be a cakewalk!! (Sala khud to zindagi bhar kuwara raha hoga aur hame gyaan padake chala gaya!)

So the first problem is that she is angry, and the second problem is that you do not know why is she angry!! You can not solve the first problem unless you solve the second problem.  And solving the second problem is no less than going to moon without a spacesuit and a rocket!! Pheeeew!

So you start counting the things for which she can be angry, 80% of the things she wont be knowing ;) :) and only 20% she will be aware of. You say sorry for just one thing out of that 80% of that bag and Chataaaak!! Yeah us thappad ki goonj tu kabhi nahi bhoolega balwant rai ke kutte! So better tread that fine line carefully! ;)

And finally when you have said sorry for all he 20% bad things you do and she knows about, then she will tell you that she was not angry because of any of them! She is very kind and generous and forgives all your stupid mistakes but she was angry just because you did not give her a missed call back when she gave you a missed call just to show you that she missed you and you did not give that means you dont miss her!

I know you will need this !!!

By the way , don't forget to read the label of this post!!

Sale ek number ke jhoothe hain!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

As a normal Indian teenager, i used to watch hundreds of firangi movies just to see the other side of the world.. blaah.. cut the crap, just to see some nice firangi babes clad in the minimum clothings possible ! And for that matter i used to consider the American Pie series as the guidebook for every hindustani student to the firangi universities!! But i am too sad to say.. Sale ek number ke jhoothe hain!! Neither is my college like what they showed in american pie! Nor are the blondes so dumb and easy to get ;) :) (experienced abby says: keep trying dude.. ek din tera number bhi ayega!!:D )

Tell me, what can one person not understand in the word Nitin!! Ulta bolo y seedha bolo.. ek hi naam banega! And they even cant pronounce that??? I have started noting down the different pronunciations of my name i have heard over the past 10 months, and i think the count stands at 887 different pronunciations till now!!

If you ever scolded your mom/sis/gf for bargaining over ek dhaniye ki patti, one extra tomato, one ladyfinger with the vegetable vendors, you should see the cheapness of these firangis on black friday, the day after thanksgiving.. even for a discount of 3Rs on an item of 50,000 Rs they are ready to smash each other!! They line up outside the stores from 2am in the night!! Cheapsters!!

People of amreeka, no matter wherever u go, invariably, will always be considerate, polite and well spoken ( even if they are cursing u like crazy inside!!), but then also i must say there is always a feeling of hindi hindi bhai bhai here.. As soon as you see any Asian face you tend to pass a smile without knowing. And any word in hindi even if it is teri maa ki.. makes you go crazy with happiness.. I remember the times when i used to call my friends in india and said.. yaar kuch gaali de de. bahut din ho gaye hindi mein gaali sune hue... :(

Hehe.. So jokes apart, life in amreeka is kabhi khushi .. kabhi gham .. but as abby bhai always says..  East or west India is the best!!
So this post the response to my post (click here)  sent by Nitin.. Feel free to bash him in the comments!!

I slept with someone !!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I slept with someone??

Neah , I slept ON someone .. that would be better . In anyway , how can this is possible with me , and tht too with a stranger , whom I have never ever met and never spoke!!

Talking abt a guy , who sat next to me in bus while on my way to Hyderabad last night . I met Mike at majestic bus stand at Banglore, he came to give my laptop back. We were then discussing abt the various situations from past about the inconvience caused to girls by the men in buses . So, he asked me to let him know who'll be gonna sit next to me .

As expected(!!!) a guy from late 20s, must be arnd 27/28 yrs sat next to me . (abby says: Sala aisa mere sath kyu nahi hota! A 24 year old pretty looking girl sitting next to me!!) Not bad , he was looking good ;) .I was on my earphones , and so was he . Bus came to halt for dinner, then I called Mike and said it was a guy . And also said , he looks pretty decent and I neednot ask for a seat change . Yeah , true he proved to be decent , it was me that night behaved indecently . :-(( :-(( .

dont know when I went to sleep while listening to songs. He was already slept . And really dont know when I slipped and landed my head on his shoulder and my hand on his right arm . Oh no!!! I just cant imagine . And I was very comfortable , dont know for much time I was on him . And worst part was , his blanket was on me :-(( :-(( . I dont like this happening with me , and with a stranger , oh noo . I still cant believe!!!

I suddenly realised tht I was on him , and got up and sat . And when looked back , he was sleeping :-( (abby says: He was pretending! So that maybe you fall on him again! :D ). I dont know whether he had known abt this or not ,but I was dying out of shame.

Cha!! what me , sleeping on him :-(. This is not the first time I was travelling on bus , but why this time I was so careless while sleeeping :-( . Thankfully , he didnt react , even in the moring . I was feeling ashamed to see him . He got down at oldcity , near High Court , till then I was nervous sitting beside him .

 I was wondering whther he knew about this. I wonder whther hes talking abt this to his frends and making comments :-( . I just pray that I dont want this person to be seen in my life again . Never never again!! (abby says: Us bechare ne tumhare sath shaadi, bacche, baccho ka school, unka college etc sab decide kar lia hoga rat bhar mein .. and u thinking like this about him!! :P )

This was a guest entry from a girl who wants to be referred to as "The girl in the red scarf". Do let her know how did you like her real life post.!

Kya aap apni biwi se dubara shaadi karna chahenge??

Saturday, July 18, 2009


If not then beware of The Facebook! 

If anything can be more worse than Rakhee sawant ka swyamvar, it is finding your own spouse listed as hot singles in your area!!... or rather facebook forcing you to date your own wife!!  Dont believe me? Check this link out! (click here)

By the way, did you guys check out the new show " Sach ka Saamna" .. Its simply-fucking-awesome !!!

Log paisa kamane ke liye kitna neeche gir sakte hain .. oops . i meant to say how much of their dark past they can reveal! I specially loved the last two episodes of it.. A third time married buddha(old man) came with his third wife and a girlfriend-going-to-be-fourth wife and his daughter!!

He cleared all his questions of having slept with a hooker to have slept with a female younger than his daughter!! The question he failed was " kya aap ek acche pita hain" !!!! Sacchi.. aankhon mein aansu aa gaye meri !! :D :D

Some things are simply weird in this world! Phew

Rakhee sawant ka swyamvar is become more of a "Rakhee ka chumma lo, bollywood mein famous ho" kind of a show! (Waah! Dekha maa .. main ek kavi bhi ban gaya)
Mikka paaji started the trend, a contestant Love tried his luck, and when no movie offer came to him in 48 hours, he tried having a chumma again! Finally Rakheeje realized this chumma business is hurting her chances of being an aadarsh bahu!! And she kicked him out.. with a heavy heart of course..

I got a better idea rakhee!! Why don't you kiss and make up with Mikka paaji.. He is the best you can get!

By the way! The furobiker is on facebook too!! Click here to join the gang!!

So how is the new template guys?

Old one was too cluttered and i spoiled it while adding diwali lights on the top of it :D

I just wanted to make it a bit dhinchak!! But band baj gaya :(

Never mind, i found a new, decent, sober, humble, and rakhee sawant lover template.. just like me.. 

Feel free to express your views on this template :D :D

Kya aap itne velle ho??

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Ok! When first person said this, i thought it was a joke.. I thought the same for the second third and fourth. But when the fifth person said this, i accepted the reality. So here is a mail by a dear friend and college junior of mine

"Abby bhai

Sorry to say, but you are growing old, lame, disgusting and un-humorous. The frequency of your posting is going down from one post in every 4.8 days to one post in every 5.3 days! So it would be great if you can allow some young and dynamic and humorous people like me to post on your blog once a month!

I realize that no one can be as crappy and gross as you are and acknowledging the fact that you like rakhee sawant, you have fallen below the standards that any human being can ever imagine!! But still i would like to try to  be as much fallen (gira hua ) as you are and as much no one else can be!! 

Nitin Kalra"

So after such an honor, i am thinking about giving him a chance to post on this 100% non sense blog and that too free of cost!! Recession ka time hai bhai, karna padta hai !!

Here are some rules for you dude!
1) You can not insult rakhee sawant on this blog
2) you can not insult katreena kaif
3) you have to praise atleast one of them in your blog post
4) you are free to pull legs, kick asses of anyone you like
5) you can not praise anyone, this is a full of insult blog and please maintain the decorum :D

Thats all!!

PS: i love such hate mails! They give me some fodder to write new posts!

If anyone else has an answer "yes" to the question "kya aap itne velle ho?" then they can surely send me their guest posts on . I will try my best to publish your posts but with my added tadka!! :D :D :D

The world is doomed

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Earthquake in China, possible hurricane in America… Rakhi ka swayamvar in India… we are doomed! The world is surely going to end will all such catastrophic occurrences !!


Mr E Sreedharan, Please dont resign

Sunday, July 12, 2009

This day, will go as a black day in the history of Delhi Metro!

Firstly you push a guy to complete the construction before 2011, and then everyone creates a hue and cry if something goes wrong! All was going well in the first two phases of Delhi Metro, but it was after the government greedily decided to connect whole Delhi wide and across before 2011, mishaps started occurring on the Metro sites

I just wanna assert that if any contractor/engineer/worker does a mistake, it is not the moral responsibility of the Chief! And he doesnt have to resign!!

If you go and ask any Delhite about the boons of the metro, you will be dead tired asking people but there wont be a single person who would say anything bad about the metro!

If you are reading this Mr. E Sreedharan, the Metro Man of India, and the only person i look up to in the whole Indian bureaucratic/political system, Please dont go !

UPDATE: Delhi CM rejects E Sreedharan's Resignation 

Kanjoos Makkhichoos.. missed call mat mar!!

Friday, July 10, 2009

A recent news in saddi Economic times said only Indians are the kanjoos people who give missed calls to each others.. firangis prefer to call.. !!

I remember my school days when my parents gave me a mobile and the call rates were 8 Rs a minute for outgoing and 4Rs a minute for incoming!!! So what we used to do was a missed call-missed call game. When i used to reach the coaching center i gave them a missed call, when the classes got over, i gave them the missed call that i was leaving or home!

Dont make that are-you-a-2-year-old-kid kind of look! What you see of me now is exactly diametrically opposite of what i was in 12th standard! I was the most shy, introvert, studious and nerdy guy you could find around! Exactly the one which every mom wants and which no girl would accept as a boyfriend material!

But then my college and people in it completely changed me! From the highly introvert to the most blabbering guy.. its been a long journey .. and now i can speak for hours and hours till you cry while laughing! Thats what i mention as my core competency in my resume! (I dont have many more qualities u see.. and gotta fill some space in that document ;) )

Anyways, i started writing about the missed call missed call thing and shared with you a chapter from my secret autobiography :P :P

Finally - Twitter started earning money

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

This is what i found on twitter today!!

Twitter earning money - finally!!

So after a lot of time running on charities(daan punya as we call it) by its venture capitalists twitter is getting into mood to earn some money! Main padunga.. likhunga.. aur ek din bahut bada website banunga :D

How subtly it kept sponsored definition and the link to external applications on its home page.. Till sometime ago, twiter was showing the same link but without the word Sponsored Definition !!

Dhinchak.. lagta hai ladka ab mard ban raha hai.. ek din apne pairon pe khada hona chahta hai !!

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Pure bakwaas Guranteed!

Dot com mania, 300th post and fultuu bakwaas

Monday, July 06, 2009

As promised i am back with my 300th post. When i started this blog sometime in the year 2005, i always thought about what would my 300th post would be :D And here i am writing it! It is such an ecstatic moment of my life!


Enough of the speeches! Since the day i started this blog, i thought about moving to my own domain name someday, and after 4 years of blogging and collecting little little money from my slum dog salary, here i am able to afford my own domain name!!

Yes!! The address of this blog has changed from   to

I always had 4 gullaks (piggy banks) in my home with the labels, maa ki saree, babuji ka kurta payjana, behan ki shaadi, apna khud ka ek dot com domain name! The other three gullaks have not even been filled to 1/10th of their capacity as of now! Recession u see!

So keep coming here with your nice abusive comments on my mindless posts! Here is my mail id where you can contact me

Till then ..

PS: Please give a small link of my blog on your respective blogs so that everyone knows that my blog address has changed! Thanks a lot.. Love u all! (ekdum sharukh style wala.. with a flying kiss!!)

Ye jo world hai na world.. isme do type ke log hote hain

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Pehle - Jinko rakhee sawant pasand hai
aur Doosre - Jinko rakhee sawant pasand hai but wo apni biwi se darte hain isliye openly rakhee ki tareef nahi kar sakte  :D :D :D

By the way .. do you remember who celina jaitley is? Yeah she is that gal who came in nangu nangu clothes in some movies in last decade i think! And now she cant remove any more clothes or else she will be booked for obscenity, so she started writing for TOI !! By the way, why i remembered her? I was reading her column in TOI and she was supporting gay rights! I mean she is a female so shouldn't she be supporting lesbian rights? i mean these LGBT gang of people are too confusing!

Finally monsoon has arrived in Delhi! Yippie! And as usual the transport system of Delhi crumpled with the rains. As soon as it starts pouring, almost half of Dehi becomes a big swimming pool! Just some bikini babes are missing in that! I mean commonwelth games are starting in less than 500 days and the state of Delhi is nothing even close to what it should be for the onset of the games! I think some engineers are running the show there. And they think like colleges they can complete or else make nice excuses for everything just before the exams!

After some experimentation i gave up the hope for that something something template! These techy things are just not my type!


A small update

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Guys i am working on doing something something to my blog .. Its some technical stuff.. So do not worry if you find my blog amiss from here in the next 48 hours. It will be back soon with its 300th post!

PS: As you all know i am as educated about the technical stuff as Rakheeje is about rocket science! So please interpret the something something written above as something very technical such as changing the template etc!

Till then .. enjoy my fav scene from FRIENDS