Dilli mein sexy ladkiyon ko kya kehte hain?

Monday, June 29, 2009

Maal .. Katto .. and Tota (or Tote)

If you have watched the Movie New York you will probably understand this joke!

The movie exposes another brutal side of the 9/11 attacks and the racism in America by detaining asians! It also highlights the inhuman behavior met to the Indians and other Asians in US prisons. I have already written in past about my opinion of the Americans! (click here to read)

By the way the highlight of the movie was Katto (seems like an apt name for Katrina Kaif) 

Isko kehte hain TOTA..!!

She asked me the meaning of Katto sometime in 2006.. Now u know :D

Dastaan us raat ki

Saturday, June 27, 2009

This is the story of the night when i went for my summer vacation. As promised i am here with the full details of the vacation.

The journey started around 9 pm, when i decide to leave for the bus stand. I am a fan of night journeys as they save a lot of time as you are mostly sleeping and the day can be utilized for better purposes. I took an auto to Anand Vihar Inter State Bus Terminal (ISBT).

Since we were stuck in a bad Delhi jam. So i started chatting to the auto driver! Coincidently he was from banaras (i did my engineering from banaras!) There is a thing about banarsi people, they tend to get friendly towards their own people(or is it a regional factor? I am not sure bout it as Delhiites never have any good feelings towards any other human beings, not even regional feelings) So finally he dropped me to the bus stand and charged me Rs 10 less than the agreed amount of 160 earlier! (When my mom reads this she will be so so so happy and jump like she has won an oscar award, as i finally saved some money somewhere !! )

There were about 10 buses standing there, excess supply then demand! I had lots of choices, so i started looking for the bus which would make me reach the fastest! I met a suitable driver, he was totally sloshed, he couldnt stand straight! He promised me that he will make the bus reach 5 hours earlier (in a total jouney of 6 hours) than other buses. It was then i was completely convinced that this bus is a bit unsafe! And mind you he was driving a government bus of Uttrakhand Parivahan Nigam!

If you do not know the story behind the uttrakhand parivahan nigam buses, they are as rickety as it can be. Their shockers are almost non existent and the drivers make sure that they put the bus into every small hole on the road so that the passengers are awake and curse him for bad driving! Yes the buses do not have any FM or radios, so this is their only source of entertainment!

Suddenly around 4 am the bus reached the city of Moradabad. I didnt had proper dinner the previous night so i asked the driver "Bhayya kini der rukegi bus yaha?" He told me not more than 5-10 minutes as the bus was already running behind the schedule! People who know me realize this fact that when i am hungry, the world stops for me! All i can think/dream/small/hallucinate is food!

So with a heavy heart i said bye bye to the stupid rickety uttrakhand parivahan nigam bus! And sat with the luggage on a dhaba in the bus stand! Half butter chicken, half chilly chicken and 3 butter nans later i decided that i should continue my journey !

When you are the only customer in a bus stand dhaba and give him 20Rs tip, the dhaba owner makes it sure that you get the best seat with lots of air and a nice foamy bottom side to support your ass.. And finally after starting at 11pm in the night, i managed to reach the city of Haldwani (last station on train if you want to go to nainital) around 9 am!

6  hours journey completed in 10 hours but with a full stomach!

I deliberately wanted this journey to be unplanned and college like! Got bored of the daily mechanical life in office you see.. Btw.. before you ask, do take Moov spray for your back after you travel in such buses!!

Tere sir pe 400 million dollar ka karza hoga to ..

To tu bhi cardiac arrest se nikal lega.. 

Why is the world going crazy about MJs death? I mean i like his songs n all but everyone crying about him on the tweets, gtalk status messages, newspapers n blah blah blogs..! Leaving aside his child molestation charges and 400 million debt which he was not going to payback neways, the guy was a gem.. Heera tha ekdum heera..

Times of India digged out of grave an article about his 2007 India tour, or did they rewrite it recollecting how many pillows he signed and how may handshakes he did with the staff of the hotel? According to the latest census, 90% of the staff have never washed their hands to preserve the michael touch !!

By the way, if you are television illiterate, my rakheeji is on public swyamvar to select her honeymoon partner/husband! And the show is starting 29th June. Some people alleged that i secretly sent an entry for that show but was disqualified because of my 95kgs weight with 5 feet 2 inches height! I just want to say that " Ye sab vipakshi party ki chaal hai" .. Mera weight ab dieting ke baad kam ho gaya hai .. ab main sirf 93kgs ka rah gaya hun!

Anyways click image below to watch zindagi ka ek kadwa sach!!

How the fuck do you get my phone numbers!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

As i said the previous time, i hate these bloody tele callers!

I am just wondering, where do these guys or to be more specific girls get the numbers?? Finally i have found a way to deal with the callers so that the same callers atleast wont call me ever again..

Telecaller female: Sir aap hamari company ki insurance lena chahenge?
Me: Aap jo jo dena chahengi main wo wo lene ko tayyar hun
Telecaller female: SLAM!!
ME: Mission accomplished!

Today a guy called me selling some broadband connection

Telecaller guy: Sir i am calling from ***** company and want to sell u a broadband connection
Me: first clear my doubts about this internetwa thing
Telecaller: sure sir, happy to help
Me: Fas gaya saala (ye mere dil ki aawaz hai..sirf mujhe aur ekta kapoor ke camera ko sunai deti hai)
Me: I took this internetwa in my fone, and now i am so confused!!
Telecaller: Sir what is your confusion
Me: i can not find a place to put mouse and keyboard on the fone!!
Telecaller: !!!Sir but keyboard on fone??
Me: (in the proper bhojpuri tone, which i learnt in my college in banaras) Jab hamare internet cyber cafe mein mouse aur keyboard hota hai to hamare fone cyber cafe mein kyu nahi hoga?!!

Barely 60 seconds more he was talking to me and i felt like he will desperately need a painkiller for his headache!  I bet even if someone is paying him 1000Rs per minute to call me and sell his bloody internet connection, he wont call me!

Waise did you guys ever tried doing timepass on the free customer care numbers? I used to do that a lot in college time. At 3 am in the night, when no one was awake and i wasnt feeling sleepy, i used to call those customer care numbers.. Following were my pet questions

1)  The Job market is so bloody screwed up, can you tell me some of the important questions your boss will ask if i apply for your job? ( yes i used to ask this to my fone customer care people!!)

2) What is the time?

3) Aaj ka paper pada? Aj ka sunrise subha 5.24 pe hoga? Do you think this prediction is right?

4) And the killer one! - Sir humne GPRS connecionwa to le liya.. ab bataiye keyboard kidhar lagayen!!!

:D :D :D

Did you ever do such mischiefs? Do share in the comments

Pakistan won the T20 World Cup

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Being a saccha hindustani cricket fan, this is the worst news. I mean let ireland, holland, bermuda or whoever unknown country has even 11 citizens win the cup but not pakistan! Cant help now. Lets brood over Pakistan's victory more than India's loss...

My weekend getaway was x mens origin wolverine.
The movie is cool and probably 100 years or maybe 1000 years ahead of human kind. I liked the movie although it was not from the genre i like.. Obvious guess - Humor!

By the way, i wish someday Bollywood film makers will understand the concept of perfect casting. I want to see Mikka Paaji and Rakheejee in the same movie as the lead actor and actress..

I am already having Monday morning blues!! Weekend gets over so fast and the weekdays take ages to go away!!!

As some mahan aadmi said" Monday is an awful way to waste 1/7 th of your life" !!!

Signing off..

How to drive a bike when a girl is sitting on the rear seat

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Ahem Ahem.. I was coming back home in my office cab, when it passed through a college area. Seeing the scene there with guys and girls on the bikes i thought about writing about this topic.

But then i realized that i would be the last person on this planet to preach people about this topic. As the old saying in saadi punjabi goes "Jada dand si te daane nahi si, hun daane aa gaye te dand nai hain" meaning "When i had teeth i didnt had the corn to chew, now i have the corn, there are no more teeth!!

To put it in simpler term, the time when i used to have a bike (and hence the name furobiker) i didn't had a girl to ride on the pillion seat of the bike. And now i have the girl, i no more have a bike... :(

Anyways these office cabs have made me and the likewise age group people bigg lazy asses. I have even lost the habit of driving...and as soon as i sit in the cab i feel it more like my bedroom and sleep nicely for the one hour journey to office.

By the way, the newest toy in my collection is this

Blackberry or as they call it digital kutte ka patta!! You can go home but you office people will not leave you Beware!!

But anyways i am not configuring it for the office emails. It is for my personal use.. So peace!!!!

Ghanta Sing

Friday, June 19, 2009

Got this as an email forward..  Some of the Specialties of Mr Ghanta 
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

I hate to wake up early

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Does someone else also has the same I-hate-to-wake-up-early syndrome?? 

Please suggest me a solution

Turn around m back again!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hello people!!

Ah, this sounded like rakhee sawant is standing on the top of her palace and waving to all the 12,567 contestants  who filled up the form to go on a honeymoon with her.. oops.. to marry her i mean!!

I am back to the melting heat of Delhi after spending some awesome time in Nainital. Details about the trip in the next post.

I checked the newspaper after three days today ( i have made a rule that i wont read newspaper, wont check emails and wont answer any calls other than a couple of numbers when i am on leave). So as i was saying, todays newspaper is really funny. As ToI quotes, Maheshjee thinks Shiney Ahuja is innocent, usne jo bhi kara, apni maid ki permission se kara..

Indian cricket team has been kicked out of the T20 world cup.What commercial sense does it make dude? Now who will take a package of 52,000 INR just to go and watch the finals of the world cup? Actually as someone suggested, all the teams should fight for being the second team in the finals, first team for finals should be fixed as India only. You agree or not, India is the largest money churning machine when it comes to cricket. So why not bend the rules according to that !!

By the way, if you want to find out someone more desperate than Shiney Ahuja for her name in paper, then please read this article (click here) . The lady who thinks she has done so much in her life for the dalits that she can call the Father of the nation as "natakbaaz" . Damn!! I liked what Congress spokesman Subodh Srivastava said "Maybe she does not like the idea of a birthday being observed without forced collection of funds since she is so used to celebrating her own birthday solely to collect money and jewelery" . I mean collection of huge amounts of funds for her happy budday isnt natakbaazi ? How dare she insult Gandhiji !!! grrrrrrr

The world is going to hell.. for sure!!

Summer Vacation

Friday, June 12, 2009

Not as long as we used to have in school!

Going for a couple of days to roam around and beat the heat of Delhi. Better to roam around in a cool place than just sitting in a hole which is weirdly air conditioned ..

See you sometime next week.. Tab tak ke liye happy holidays..

Its gonna be an adventure trip it seems.. i dont have any tickets! and there is no hope of getting one especially as i am leaving in less than 24 hours!

Hasta la vista!

Punjabi khana in Chinese flavor !!!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Jab lagya chinese khane nu punjabi tadka!!!
Listen this chinese guy singing Tujhme Rab Dikhta hai yaara main kya karu" 

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Pure bakwaas Guranteed!

Ipod Shuffle

Sunday, June 07, 2009

In todays world every cool thing starts with I.. be it ipod, iphone or ipill.. So finally i also decided to save some money over the period of two years from my pathetic slumdog salary and decided to buy an ipod.. Ipod Shuffle - 4 GB. The best thing about this ipod which attracted me towards it was its size.. It is so small that there isn't any space for buttons on it... its buttons are on its earphone wire!!!

According to apple - it is one of the smallest music players on earth..It just looks like some chewing gum.(no you can not chew this and then stick it on your teachers hair!!) I am loving it.. It holds over 1000 songs (which is actually more than the number of songs i have ever heard in my life)

Since ipod shuffle series has a history of not having a screen so you can never identify the song before playing it.. but this ipod shuffle gives you an option of talking to it!!(in case you are single and are not tired of hearing!) if you long press the middle play/pause button on the ear chord, for a second, it will tell you all the details about the song currently playing.. if you press it a bit longer then  it will start telling you the names of different playlists you have! Just click once on the playlist which you want to hear.

Just switch on and off suddenly while playing, and it will tell you the battery left in your ipod!! Man I love steve jobs.. Steve jobs ka chumma lene ka man kar raha hai .. if you remember it happened once upon a time some years back jab mera steve jobs ka chumma lene ka man kara tha .. out of anger that time..

So Just dont sit there and look at my ipod.. go and buy your own!!!

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Pure bakwaas Guranteed!

Mujhe Tag Kyu Kiya

Friday, June 05, 2009

I now realize that you people think i am a useless nutter spending 19 hours a day reading my own blogs and 5 hours reading other peoples blogs. Btw Amrita ji again tagged me . once upon a time she tagged me  and i warned her..Ab kuch log kabhi sudhr nahi sakte (some people never change)..   So here goes the tag... (Warning!! long tag ahead)
(here are some of my other tags - cherries tag ,  20 questions tag ,  tag tag ,  doctors tag  !!!

1. Last drink: Give me an option, every drink of my day will be beer
2. Last phone call: The Lady (Main seeta aur geeta dono pe haath rakh ke kasam khata hun aur kissi ladki ka fone nahi aaya mujhe aaj)
3. Last text message: You are an asshole!! (sent by the lady when i gave some stupid answers to her "Am i fat?" questions)
4. Last song you listened to: Summer Song - Joe Satriani.. ekdum dhinchak guitar bajata hai ye
5. Last time you cried: When i was in 3rd standard and a big flat faced dog bit me on my bum.. i cant tell you how i managed my morning nature talks..

6. Dated someone twice: Aadhi zindagi beet gai ek hi ladki ko date karte hue.. and u are asking dated someone twice?? .
7. Been cheated upon? Oh yes.. all my cheaters were teachers..uh.. vice cersa.. neways doesnt matter - they all stole my pen at some or the other time in the school.. actually they asked for 2 mins and never returned it again
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? I saw rakheejee at a stone throwing distance in some stupid mall.. i am a big moron, instead of stealing a kiss, i was busy finding a stone to throw!
9. Lost someone special? Rakhee sawant ka swyamvar hasnt ended yet
10. Been depressed? Yeah many a times but wrote it just once (link )
11. Been drunk and threw up? Haha.. just ask me if you drink and i will answer like a fish...

12. Blue
13. Black
14. Green

15. Made new friends: Yep a lot! Bole to bahut dhinchak log hain apun ki zindagi mein .. ye lo ek post pado unke bare mein
16. Fallen out of love: She tries to kick me out .. but no.. ye fevicol ka jod hai tootega nahi
17. Laughed until you cried: People cry when i try to make them laugh!!
18. Met someone who changed you: I remember the advertizement.. where a fat guy looses some weight toimpress a chammak challo!! Neways as great guy raj aryan said " Koi pyar kare, to tumse kare, jaise tum ho waise hi kare, koi tumhe badal kar pyar kare, to wo pyar nahi sauda hai janeman"
19. Found out who your true friends were:Yep!.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Gurubhai ne bola hai - Jab log aapke baare mein baa karne lage na.. to samajh lo tarakki kar rahe ho


21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: I cant answer this question without the permission of the lady :D
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life:almost 83.72% !!
23. How many kids do you want to have: atleast itne to hone chahiye ki main apni ipl ki team bana sakun - so my answer is 15 !!
24. Do you have any pets: i hate animals!
25. Do you want to change your name: Yep - i wud like to rename myself as Mikka (yeah wahi jisne rakhi sawant ka chumma lia tha)
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Was in joburg, none of the close ones to celebrate.. so was in a bad mood that day!
27. What time did you wake up today: WTF! I woke up at 7 am, then went to bathroom .. then did brushing, then .. do you really wanna know this?
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was banging my head on the table and trying to beat zakir hussain in tabla playing1!!!
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Beer!!
30. Last time you saw your father: 2 mins ago, he was trying to secretly reading the screen to see if i am chatting to any girl..
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: beer is such a good thing! why din my parents lemme taste it when they used to make me quiet by mugli ghutti 555?
32. Most visited web page: This is a family blog!! dunt ask sch questions!!!

Whats your:
33. Name: The Furobiker
34. Nicknames: Abby, Sardar, and some secret nicknames also :D
35. Zodiac sign: Angry Aries!!
36. Male or female or transgender: A straight male !!
37. Elementary: blah blah
38. School: Blah blah blah!!
39. Colleges: Mech D , IT BHU
40. Hair color: I used to have black hair, but strands of white have started appearing, someday i will have a hairstyle like Mr Bajaj - salt and pepper hairstyle!!
41. Long or short: Long Island Tea - with extra whiskey!
42. Height: its 5'9" but i always say 5'10" - My Wish!!
43. Do you have a crush on someone? Kattorina Kaif, Rakhee Sawant!!
44. Ever been in love? Ye ishq nahi aasan, bas itna samajh lijiye.. aag ka daria hai .. doob ke jana hai
45. Piercings? nah !@##%#%^#^
46. Tattoos? Fuck off ...
47. Righty or lefty: Mostly righty , partly ambidextrous
48. First surgery: Accident in class 3, . if i remember correctly - 100+ stiches
49. First piercing: kya bakwaas hai.. teri earrings ki dukaan hai kya be!!
50. First best friend: Joey! Chandler wasnt bad even!.
51. First sport you loved: Cricket!!!
52. First pet: i hate dogs!!!!!!
53. First vacation: once upon a time when i went to moon.. abe sala 22 saal pehle kidhar gaya tha tujhe yaad hai?.
54. First concert: I attended or I gave? i am still learning to sing!
55. First crush: as usual.. some teacher in standard on in school. zada to yaad nahi .. but itna yaad hai .. bahut maal thi madam!!

56. Eating: Dinner
57. Drinking: I wish it was a mug of beer.. but alas! its just water.
58. I'm about to: Kick the person below the belt who created this damn long tag!!!
59. Listening to:  e hip hopper mujhe pyar to kar eee hip hopper !!!
60. Waiting for: Rakheejee to reject all the participants in rakhee sawant ka swyamvar.. and call me up using fone a friend feature :)

61. Want kids? Of course
62. Want to get married? bina shaadi ke bacche ho gaye to meri maa mujhe fry karke kha jayegi!!
63. Careers in mind? Apun to ek din bujiness karega!!!

64. Lips or eyes: Lips.. they are more expressive than eyes :D :D :D
65. Hugs or kisses: Kissing while hugging? or wait hugging while kissing?
66. Shorter or taller: depends ;)
67. Older or Younger: younger
68. Romantic or spontaneous:Spontaneous. Spontaneously Romantic
69. Nice stomach or nice arms: kitni choti soch hai is tag ko banane wale ki!!
70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship:Relationship ... hook up ki umra nikal chuki hai
72. Trouble maker or hesitant: she is the biggest trouble maker on this plannet.. phew

73. Kissed a stranger: I consider kareena kaif as stranger and wud love to kiss her !!!
74. Lost glasses / contacts: I am wearing them since i ws in standard 1 in school!! so dont ask me this question!!
75. Broken someone's heart: chataaaak!
76. Had your own heart broken: It will break after rakheee sawant ka swyamvar is over!!
77. Been arrested: Fuck off!
78. Turned someone down:Yes
79. Cried when someone died: yes
80. Liked a friend that is a girl?Like? nah..

81. Yourself: nopes.. i would be the last person on this planet i would trust
82. Miracles:they dont happen
83. God: in the times of need
84. Love at first sight:meri nazren bachpan se kamzor hain!!!
85. Heaven: marne marne ki baaten kyu kar rahe ho bhayya?
86. Santa Claus: my ideal..i wanna be as fat as him by eating 24 hours a day !!!!
87. Kiss on the first date? yup!
88. Angels:a: you mean apsaraen ? fairies?
89. Devils: thats what bosses are!!

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? yes of course
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? ek ko sambhalne mein main bankrupt ho gaya.. 2 rakhta to kapde bhi bik jaege!.
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? thats what bosses are for!
93. Among your blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Ewww no one.
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Click here
95. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? Noo.

Associate with something :
96. White: Baniyan
97. Black: Chaddi
98. Red: Saree
99. Pink: Gays
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Was the most irritating thing i have ever done and Ms Cherry you owe me a treat for completing this tag!!!

Anyone who has a patience and on the verge of going to a mental hospital can pick this tag up!!!

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Pure bakwaas Guranteed!

Techy Post

Monday, June 01, 2009

Its official!! The total storage capacity in my house has touched 1.5 Terabyte!!! That is 1,500 GB for the illiterates.. (One thousand five hundred Gigabytes - in words - if you are a banker)

Well i dont have this much stuff to fill in, only about 500GB is filled up, rest all is empty empty.. So it would be great if you can mail me the names of some good animation movies (any language) on the email id mentioned on the sidebar.. Any other good movies will also do.. but judging from my blog you must have understood that a kindergarten guy can only understand cartoon movies!!

My excel teacher Mohit babu has started a blog called Excel Matic (http://excelmatic.blogspot.com/) to help people with some tips and tricks on Microsoft excel, some of the tips are really cool, i wonder how i never knew them!

Thinking about Microsoft, they have recently launched a radio advertisement campaign, promoting Original windows software. "Nakli software matlab karobar mein nusaan" And they have some weird studies to support this fact too.. Dunno if they will achieve anything out of the campaign..

Btw here are some of the softwares which are free fokat available on the net!!

Google Chrome - I never liked the heavy Internet Explorer or the heavier Firefox.. Chrome is awesome, superfast and i like its looks.. seedhi baat.. no bakwaas

Ubuntu - Its Linux.. And i love it

Open office - Go to openoffice.org - Its free and will almost do everything that Microsoft office does
Gaim - All chat messengers in one!! So forget about logging seperately into yahoo, gtalk, msn, aim n blah blah blah

GIMP  - All features of photoshop, without throwing money around!! Yep this is free and easy tooo!!!
BitTorrent - A cool torrent downloader.. More details about its legality on its official website
VLC Media player - plays everything except RM files.. I just love it.. To easy to start and adjust subtitles in it.. (Wo hamari angrezi kamzor hai na, to angrezi filmo ke liye subtitle lagane padte hain)

PDF creator - Word to PDF.. FREE..

GNU CASH - Manages your finances.. how much you earn, how much u spend and how much is left for the daruuu!!! Hic!!

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