tum jiyo hazaaron saal

Wishing you a very happy birthday.. 

tum jiyo hazaaron saal

saal ke din hon pachaas hazaar

Okies, the regular readers of my blog would start cribbing like every year, " is this a birthday blog" , and i would give the same answer, "You would have to bear these 2 bday posts every year in this time of the year"  so just sit back and wish her a happy birthday

Scrubs scrubs scrubs scrubs scrubs

I am going a bit crazy these days (Oh yea more than normal crazy). Out of 24 hours on my Sunday, i was awake for 21 hours. Yes i just slept 3 hours and from the rest 21 hours i was watching Scrubs for 14 hours!! I told you i am going crazy! The only breaks i was taking in between were eating, drinking and attending nature's calls. It is one hell of a Sitcom!! I have started noting some of its quotes, will post them all here on the blog when i am done with all 6 seasons!

I am having a pain in the back, specially when i am trying to sit or when i get up from a chair. Do i blame it to my 85 clocked hours last week or to my old age? Please suggest any remedies for it!

i need help with one more thing people, i want to take some gifts for my folks back in India, but as you all know i am as dumb as any other "straight" guy about shopping, so it would be a great help to this poor soul if you give some nice suggestions. And do not say "chocolates"!

Ever since i came here, i have started disliking winters. Summers here are so cool, specially if you can just wear a vest and a jockey and shop around in a shopping mall and no one gives you a stupid glare. In india every single guy goes to malls as if to find a sunder susheel bahurani for his mother! And if doesnt wear proper clothes with atleast 300gms of deo and 260 gms of cologne, no gal would ever come and talk to him. And girls, they spend more time in searching for some of their friends/collegues to bump into so they can introduce them with their respective boyfriends.

Scene 1
bijli - ooooh meeeeenu, what a coincidence we met here, here meet my bf tinku. (now G1 knows meenu is in a reln for 2 years one month) You know what, we have been together for about 2 years 2 months.. phew.. long time na.. Feels like forever!!
God:  Holy crap! - There is only one mall in you champaktown, so it aint so big conincidence that you meet all your classmates here

Scene 2
bijli - (knows pinki her friend is single) - Pinkiiiiiiiiiii .. so nice we met you, what a coincidence! Meet my bf tinku.. (making mushy mushy eyes twinkling like diwali lights and hugging him tight as if pinki would snatch and rape tinku)! Everyone should fall in love once, you know!
Pinki (thinking in her head but you know god can hear it all) - Bitch!

God - Kaash mere zamane mein bhi Kekta Kapoor hoti, to mujhe serials dekhne ke liye bechare ladko ko itna kasht nahi dena padta! Phew!

By the way do you think mika was so well dressed when he had a kiss with rakhee? Aaaargh! Lucky fellow!

Battiyan bujhado...

Battiyan bujhane se bhi neend nahi aayegi....

Anyways enough of singing.. Tomorrow is Earth Hour. I have heard that people are switching off their lights in hundreds of countries for one hour tomorrow.March 28th 8.30PM to 9.30 PM IST. Here is the link

So what can you do in that one hour of no light but only moon light time?

• Candle light dinner on the terrace of your gf, without even her parents guessing! And if someone comes, shout "KAALA BANDAR" .. monkey man!!
• Vexed by a neighbor? Right time to take the revenge, go and pee on his main gate, so that when he opens the gate next morning... 
• Gather some friends and have lots of beer! Hic!

Any more ideas?

Somebodyz budday boy

And that somebody is me. But this budday is different from the previous one. Last year same time i was feeling like Obama who just won the elections. Both my airtel and reliance were ringing, my land line and my mom's phone were also ringing, coz my fones were busy, to wish me budday ofcourse. Yeah everyone wants to wish you exact at 12 in the night. But that slot is totally booked for my family and she, everyone else gets to wish after them :) . This year maybe because of time difference i got a few calls staggered here n there but the volume was not even 10% of last year. phew. 

Anyways, so the plan for birthday celebration. Will go to office, then work at office till late night and then a small party with my Indian colleagues with alcohol flowing in the air :D . (Kissi bade aadmi ne kaha hai , "food is just a waste of space". :D , and guess who that bada aadmi is ;)  )

I remember a funny incidence from few years back. It was my budday and some relative of mine called. Yeah  one of those typical relatives whom you meet only in marriages, who pulls your cheeks and say , " last time dekha tha to itna sa tha ( pointing to her knees), badi jaldi bada ho gaya. Chalo ab iski shaadi ka time bhi aa gaya!.. AAArgh!! ) 

Yeah so one of those irritating relative called, i answered the phone expecting to hear about me growing old and time to get married! But she asks me to give the fone to mom without wishing me budday. !!! Fcuk! 

She wished mom, granny, dad "bete ke budday ki lakh lakh vadaiyan!" but not me???? But then mom xplained me, " she just wanted to show us all that she remembered ur budday, you think she wanted to wish?

Hehehe. These old folks have their own games going around!

Anyways i had a backache when i got up in the morning. Seems i am growing old. Budhapa aa gaya hai. 

If i really became the president someday, i would start giving retirement benefits at 23 years of age! Empathy u see. :D

Neways Wishing Myself a happy happy birthday :)

Standing Applause

Lijjat Turns 50!

I read this article somewhere and realized this deserves a special mention. Those seven housewives had guts to start their own company in 1959! (March 15, 1959 to be precise). Another astonishing fact was the presence of a social entrepreneur who gave those ladies 80Rs to start their business!

This article rekindled my old dream of setting up a social lending company in India. So many people have excess money and so many others never think of following their dreams because of the need of just a few thousand rupees! 

Anyways will do that once "jab main apne pairo pe acchi tarah khada ho jaunga" .. not to earn money but just as a part of PSR. (When companies can have Corporate Social Responsibility, why cant people have Personal Social Responsibility?)

Thats all for now. I am deeply immersed in work as of now. Will be back on weekend!

Read more about Lijjat here

Blogger Disasters

My blog is being as messy as my life. I tried changing my template but then spoiled it badly, furobiker and coffee cup went in opposite directions. Then Ratzz sent me a nice template, which i again messed up while applying and setting. Sorry Ratz. Then i kept this template. Again all the palces where i pressed enter keys vanished. And now its looking big mess as a huge paragraph! 

WTF!!

I know i am as good in techy things as rakhee sawant, but still even she would handle her blog better than me!!!

Aargh!

bhoookh lagi hai

Over the years it has been proved that the lack of food and alcohol causes chemical locha in the brain and forces you to do absolute random things. This happened with me last weekend. I watched tonnes of movies randomly, watching some of them for an hour and others complete. There was another movie in the bunch named as Fanaa. Yeah the same movie which had some nice shayri which you copied and kept on your orkut profile for months! When Kajol is about to leave for Delhi, rishi uncle asks her some random questions and she replies " Aadmi jab udaas hota hai na to aise hi idhar udhar ke sawal poochta hai" and i suddenly remembered, when i was in college, my parents used to drop me to the station and this is how our conversation went. And mind you this was the exact conversation which was repeated all 4 years everytime i left for banaras !

Mom: Have you kept your ticket properly?

me: nah it was boring, i threw it out of the window!

mom: aaargh! you want something to eat, i can get tea/chips from outside

me: yeah, i want 6 packets of chips! ( i can sell them to fellow passengers to buy a beer :D)

dad: by the way, did you keep your ticket properly? 

me: if somebody gave me 1Rs for each time i ans this question, i would be going in my own private plane!

dad: !@##%$#%. Do you need some money? 

me: nah! (i am a courteous guy, but while i was saying no, my head would vigorously shake in a yees mode)

dad: (hiding from mom) keep this money

mom: (hiding from dad) keep this money

me: (hiding rom both.. mentally dividing the whole amount by 60 = number of beers which i could buy :D )

As you all know my maths is of the same level as Joey. It took me some time to calculate, and by the time the train would make a farting sound! 

Then moms lecture would start " Dhaath khidki se bahar mat nikalna, dont talk to strangers, dont eat anything on the way, dont keep ur luggage unchained, dont get down from the train on the stations, take a bath daily after reaching banaras (daily? u joking? ) and many more things.. phew.. 

Its after the train had moved outta station, i started looking at all the passengers around. And then try remembering if i saw any F (18-28) name around my seat number on the list. Dont make faces, every guy who has travelled by train dreams ki some F (18-28) should sit nearby him and in couple of hours he could impress her and prove that he is the knight in the shining armour for whom she was waiting for years! I know we guys are stupid but no one ever kept a tax on dreaming! 

Initially for the whole first year i thought maybe i am unlucky, dunia mein itni saari ladkiyan hai koi na koi kissi din to mere sath wali seat pe hogi. but alas! Then slowly i asked guys around, everyone was as unlucky as me !! Then on further in depth research it was found that girls generally travel in groups or with some brotherly creature about 6.5 feet in length and 3-4 feet in width. phew. 

Anyways i started from where and reached where.. I saw almost as many crappy movies as i could tolerate without puking. There are some movies which you cant complete and some F (18-28) which you never meet. :P

I expect some belans thrown on my head after this post ;)

Aiwai cribbing

Happy Holi !!!

Its a holiday in India, people are playing with colors, gulal, oil, mud everything! And i am banging my head on my lappie sitting in office. Anyways thats life! 

My blog template is looking pathetic. I tried editing it and ended up spoiling it. I want a new template now. I searched a lot on the net but didnt like any! 

No one follows this blog. Since the time i kept this thing on the left side it is showing zero followers. 

I dont like the weather here. Its neither too hot nor too cold

I want to go back to India, but it doesnt seem possible for some more days. I dont like johannesburg. 

My cullinary skills have improved a lot! I made a masala papad today! And it is much better than what is available in most of the pubs in Delhi.

I am having a writers block. And am literally begging that somebody write guest post for my blog (bechare ko aadat nahi hai neglected rehne ki)

I wanna crib more but kuch yaad nahi aa raha.. :(

Fordsburg - Johannesburg

Finally the the little banarsi part in me kicked and i went again to Fordsburg. My only purchase of the day was a pack having 5 meetha banarsi paans!! Oh yea i ate them all in one day! Its nt a big quantity as compared to my proffs in BHU, who had one big pack containing 2 kgs of paan for the day and in other hand had some photocopies of the notes which they wrote in 1980s. Sooner or later the BHU administration also realized this and painted all the walls of BHU in red which otherwise had millions of patches of red. Phew! Remember the sound when any paan eating fellow spits the paan .. Pichaaaak!! 

I saw another aweful movie today. No prizes for guessing, DEV D. It is devdas remade with a bit of maa behan ka emotional atyachar. Few sluts coupled with drugs, alcohol, MMS case, BMW case and a few more sluts! No story, no theme, just ek naye zamane ka devdas having drugs as compared to bewda purana devdas. And chunni babu replaced by a pimp chunni! Thats all. If i would have to rate this movie, i would give it a lesser number than my college grades! (Thats a really pathetic rating for any movie i must say)

By the way i visited Beer Museum. Yeah you read it right, ye wahi daru wali beer ka museum hai. It is a stone throw distance from Fordsburg. But you cant throw a stone back from the museum to fordsburg specially after the free (read complimentary beers) which they give. It was a nice museum telling all about how the beer was created in Egypt n blah blah. The only interesting part of the tour was the 3 big glasses of beer which they gave free in the tour! Hic! Hic! It is a nice marketing strategy. They showed how beer is created using Maize, fruits leaves etc. And they used word alcohol only once in the one hour tour as far as i remember. All they said was beer is good for health, spirit and soul! And then they give u loads of free beer and chips to replenish your spirit! Hic! Peene walo ko peene ka bahana chahiye! I have a sudden interest in museums now. Do they have whiskey, rum, vodka, tequila museums? Hic!

Waise news of the day, finally after a lot of pestering i have created an account on facebook. It is damn confusing! sab kuch upar neeche hota rehta hai usme! And for illeterate people like me, orkut is much easier to understand! And ajkal ke naujawano ke sath kadam milane ke liye i am on twitter too! (han han ab aap log soch rahe ho ki kya vella aadmi hai aaltu faaltu jagah account banata rehta hai but FYI jab free mein account mil raha hai to bana ke rakh lete hain .. 35-40 saal baad jab retire hounga to shahar se kahi door ek chote se ghar ki chat pe baith ke chai aur pakode khate hue apni buddhi biwi se bolunga .. aaji sunti ho yaad hai wo humne ek twitter pe account khola tha .. chalo aj use update karte hain ! :D  

(my twitter)

Playing on the backfoot

The perfect playing on the backfoot moments - 

Otis agrees to cancel auction of Gandhi items

Desperate, IPL organisers submit revised schedule

Lahore top cop admits security lapse: Report

Sham se

.shaam se aankh mein nammi si hai

aaj phir aap ki kami si hai..

Attacks on Sri Lanka Team in Pakistan

So does that mean

• Game over for international cricket in Pakistan
• No cricket team will ever visit pakistan?
• All the uber optimists about pakistans revival from this kinda situation will go in a hiding?
• Americans will seriously start thinking about declairing it a terrorist state?

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I am :(

This post is centered about cribbing, so if you dont want to read just close the window and get lost. 

i have written about marriages before  click here,  and here, and here

So last week, one of my close friend got married. It was the first marriage in my friends gang which we used to call Mech Bonds. And next week another of my closest friend is getting married. And i am loosing my head sitting far here in johannesburg. I cant attend that marriage either. I am loosing a great chance to meet many of my friends again. Our big group gathering has only happened 2 times in past 2 years. So this was a great chance to improve the averages. 

I was just evaluating my decision to come here far away from my place. I cant just take a night flight to go to marriage and get back to work next day. I cant have those frequent daru parties with my friends in noida. Almost everyone going home pays a visit to our noida hangout to have a small get together. What the fcuk am i doing sitting here? Damn i can not even go back before the contract ends. I am feeling totally screwed up!!!

Fcuk Fcuk Fcuk!!!!!!

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